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Phoenix9572 posted 7/26/2013 20:33 PM

Our 14 y o just told us he broke up with his first girlfriend. My WH asked him if he liked anyone else. Son answered yes but she's older and said you can't go after upperclassmen. My WH is shaking his head and I believe is about to tell him about his he dated a college girl while in high school.
Now both WH ONS were with older women and he recently was caught texting with an older woman. He doesn't understand why this is a hot button for me!!! He had the nerve to be mad at me for circumventing a conversation with out son. It is not my fault they have a crappy relationship but he was sure blame shifting to me. He stormed off to the basement and I'm sitting in a grocery parking lot. Ugh!!!! Somebody please talk me down.

canteat posted 7/26/2013 22:30 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I don't know much about how to handle triggers-especially the ones that blindside you. Have you visited the healing library yet? there's a lot of good info there. *hugs*

1Faith posted 7/26/2013 22:49 PM

You have every right to be upset. OMG - really? How insensitive can he be?

I won't talk you down but I will implore you to consider defining your boundaries.

What are you willing to put up with and what aren't you? Be your own advocate.

Your WH is off base, totally disrespectful and just wrong. Hold him accountable.

It's been 2 months since your DDay. And he is acting pious? Bullsh*t.

This stops when you say it does. He is not remorseful or he'd be holding your hand reassuring you during this conversation vs. battling you.

Shame on him.

Head up. Onward.

Phoenix9572 posted 7/27/2013 00:05 AM

I stayed out for about an hour until i felt like i wouldnt be a crying mess. He was still downstairs watching tv and i went to bed to journal.
When he came to bed he didnt realize i was home and made a big deal that he wasnt going to sleep in bed with me.
i tried to make him understand about triggers and that i was even trying to get him to stop before it really upset me. I also explained that i am really struggling with not feeling like i can get all my questions answered. He really doesnt want to answer any more and wants to ask our MC about it. He even said he wants me to let him read all the questions first nefore he will answer

Duffy1958 posted 7/27/2013 03:56 AM

I would be pissed off. Totally. 1.Don't talk to my son in flippant manner when trying to teach him in matters of the heart 2.Don't you dare act obtuse about "the older woman" aspect of the lying, cheating, robbing etc he did 3.be real careful about jumping out of my bed to prove a point. That's a pretty huge deal in my book & you better have a big ass reason, not something like he is pulling. I might want to prove the point it is a privilege to be in my bed.

Stick to your guns. Don't give an inch. You & your son are worth far more consideration than he is showing. I would start an exit plan. You can use it or not.