SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

While I haven't seen him since before DDay, my (X)WS is in my job field and so I run into his work/references to him occasionally (we have shared colleagues, etc.).

Today I had to reference a website for business purposes, went to check out that the file was still there-- and there was a video posted on some new procedures. He was the talking head in the video.

I didn't click on it. Actually, I clicked the window closed ASAP.

I'm pretty shaken just seeing a non-moving image of him. We've been in NC for so long, I didn't realize how "non real" he's become for me.

I just want to say that for all of you who have to continue to face your WS and, in some cases, your WS and their OP... you are incredibly brave. You are the strongest people out there, frankly.

I hear you.

I haven't seen my XH since our last mediation, back in '11. Can't say I miss him at all

All our contact is through email, and sometimes, that's hard enough.

Our oldest will be graduating in 2 years. I'm already dreading it because that will most likely be the first time we'll be in the same room with, and in close proximity to, each other.

I don't know how some folks do it.

There was a thread a while ago about how some of us don't look at our exes at kid exchanges. I personally block ex-shat out...he's this gray blurry spot in my vision...seriously.

I was at ex-shat's grandma's house the other day and I see that she has a pic of him holding the OC. I caught myself studying it for a while. And finally I just shrugged my shoulders and admitted to myself that whoever that is is a stranger to me.

XH lives close by. We share the same grocery store- when I see him I actually have to do a double take LOL. I dont recognize him right away. The feeling is almost like "I should know him-he looks familiar-where do I know him from" kind of. It takes a few seconds and then it comes- he is someone I used to know.

I still struggle with the anger. It pisses me off when I'm talking to my kids when they are at their dad's and knowing that the slut is staying in what use to be MY house, sleeping in MY bed, and touching my kids! I don't care so much about her being around exwh because they deserve each other and soon she will be abused too. Hopefully she will cheat on him. But I really can't stand her around my kids and house... What can I say I have priorities straight.

I think about this often too. We didn't have kids so I'm able to not have him in my life. And those occasions when he creeps in at the edges (b/c we both work for the same large federal agency) I don't handle it well.

And each time I become more grateful we didn't have children b/c it frees me of dealing with him directly. And each time my admiration for those of you who have to increases exponentially.

This is something I face often and am learning to come to grips with it.

It's hard to pretend a person is dead who shows up every so often, so I still use pretending as a coping mechanism, but in other ways. I've sort of put him in other boxes or identities and then I can keep the man who was my H kind of dead. I don't know if that makes sense?

If DD whines and he cuts the grass, I think, "Oh, there's the new handy man." Teehee. Or, if he comes for his visits with her, it is "her father". If he has the courage to appear in my presence, I find his shoes very interesting, or a spot on his clothing and avoid his face. This helps keep new pain down and keeps my pretense, for a time. I hope it doesn't read in too bizarre a way, but it's helped me because thinking of him as a person choosing what he is instead of the life he gave up, it's too hard to face still.

I think it annoys him and in some ways that makes me smile.

And when I know I can't avoid being in the same place, I do a lot of gearing up in my mind ahead of time-NMS, No More Surprises.

P.S. I also do the complete opposite of what he may expect-like he complained that I shared too much of my life with him, so now I do not say one word.

My eyes remain blank and I am the statue he always wished for and tries himself to be.

He uses any little or big thing I do communicate as ammo, so this is another coping mechanism and loss of control for him.

I haven't seen my wxh in person since I successfully evaded him in Walmart last year. However, I have sat at a stoplight directly across from him and his shiny new gf.

That was bad enough. I was on the phone, but he just stared at me. Ugh

I haven't had to see him in well over a year, thank goodness. I am also grateful we have no kids together, helps with the separation.

I am, however, still very close to his sister and her husband, as well as her kids, my niece, 5, and nephew, 3. So I may have to see him at their bday parties, one of which is in a few weeks. He may have OW with him, but I've told SIL it's not a problem for me, I'm strong enough now to handle it.

I'm gradually reaching the nirvana of indifference though.

Yes. I see my xWW every week. I am certain that if we didn't have children together I would have NC with her. But, we do have children together.

Although my children are with me most of the time, naturally they love their mother. So, I've come to realize that they need me to be pleasant toward my xWW. To be able to this, when we do the handoffs each week or attend the same T-ball game, I just temporarily suspend my distaste for my xWW. I am pleasant (or pleasantly neutral) a bit like I would be with a babysitter. When she's gone, she's also gone from my mind. On a functional basis, i am indifferent towards her now. Not so deep beneath the surface, I don't care for her much at all.

I have to deal with ex twice a week for kid exchanges. Even when I look directly at him it's like looking at his outline. I didn't realize how much I block him out until we were in court this week.

It's the first time I really looked him in the face in months. OMG he looks horrible (and balding badly). When he walked into the courthouse I had to do a double take because at first glance I thought he was a middle-aged guy walking in but he looked familiar. When I turned back and realized it was him I was shocked!

We do have children together, so very occasionally (once a year, if that), I see him at a distance. We are not on speaking terms.

It was horrible for the first year. It's still pretty bad. He has never shown any remorse for what he did. I accept what happened, but I cannot forgive unless he were to show remorse and apologize.