SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm doing a spot of online dating atm. So far, no unsolicited penis pictures, YAY! That in itself is progress considering how my last relationship started.

At the moment, I am talking to two potentials, haven't met either of them yet. I have my guard up, looking for red flags and general weirdness. I am not sure if I am being too vigilant if that is possible and maybe reading into things that mean nothing.

The reason for this post is that I have been chatting to one today, who has a pet skunk, which is kinda cool I think. He was telling me that it doesn't seem too well and he might need to take him to the vet. I said that it is awful when pets get ill and something along the lines of I prefer animals to most people. He said he was the same and that we are so alike. That worried me, and I am not sure whether it was right to or not. I have only been talking to him for 2 days so my thinking is how can he say that? He doesn't even know me!

I am not sure if I am overreacting here. I am just terrified of getting involved with another nutter and am trying to look out for as many red flags as possible.

[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 8:10 AM, July 27th (Saturday)]

After being involved with npd guys, the "we are so alike" statement after BARELY knowing each other - well. My flags would be flying.

Hurt, is there a reason you're back to dating so soon from getting out from the last guy? Reason I ask, your NPD was a tad close to the psychopath side of the spectrum. Being with the NPD damages us, and we need to take the time to heal ourselves. It sucks to work on us, but until we are healthy (emotionally) I don't think we will attract healthy

partners.

Hugs

K

Thanks Kajem,

That's what I thought. It's going to be hard to figure out the real red flags from my own paranoia.

I don't know why I am to be honest. When I look back at my time with NPD, it really wasn't a relationship in the true sense of the word. I think I am just wanting to be over it so much and to move on as quickly as possible.

I'm going to be really blunt. As long as you are paranoid, distrustful, etc., you will not attract someone who is worth your time. Quality guys will see that, and back away from the crazy. I'm not saying you are crazy, but right now, you are in a crazy phase of your life. It's impossible not to be on the heels of everything you've gone though.

You say that you want this to be over as quickly as possible - I understand and felt the same way. But dating isn't going to speed that, especially not dating the kind of guys who will be attracted to you in your current state of crazy. Dating the wrong people will often set us back, and prolong healing and the ability to move on.

What you are doing is counterproductive to where you want to be.

Thanks Amazonia,

Your post makes a lot of sense. Just a confusing time and I am not sure what I am trying to say here.

I am not ready I don't think for a full on relationship. Having said that, I am not looking for a fling or a FWB situation either. I guess I would just like to meet a nice man and to take things really slowly. I think I may be ready for that.

After being involved with npd guys, the "we are so alike" statement after BARELY knowing each other - well. My flags would be flying.

This exactly!~

Also the skunk would make me pause. I read that stalkers "May have an unusual pet (e.g. ferret) which has free run of the apartment". If he was a vet or worked in animal rescue then it makes sense.

Bottom line: Anytime you get a weird vibe trust your gut! I think many of the tribe had that with our npds at some point before we committed but made some excuse for his behavior and let it go.... turned out to be a big ol' red flag!

Honey, I say this as gently as I can - I'm not arguing whether or not you're ready for a nice, slow relationship with a nice guy. I'm pointing out that the ish in your life is going to make you not desirable to the kind of nice guy you want.

Trust me on this one. Wait until you've taken care of the past, then move forward with dating. You'll find that you attract a much higher quality of potential partner.