Let me tell you something, as a BS. Your type of situation is the type that makes my blood run cold with fright.
I say that, because my FWH had a ONS. With someone he meant on AFF who meant absolutely nothing to him. Not one damned thing. This is a man that, on the rare occasions that I had a thought about adultery pass through my mind, I was convinced that, should he commit it, it would be with someone that he fell in love with so deeply, that he would try to throw me out of the house, because of his deep love to love someone and be loved. I had boundaries for those "needy" women out there, who he might have KISA tendencies for, because I could not conceive of him trying to make love to someone who did not have a huge place in his heart.
And he went out and tried to screw nameless, faceless women. No connection, no caring, just a, pardon the vulgarity, hairy hole with no name. I apologize if this characterization has been overly offensive.
The point being, that if someone you love can commit so grievous an action against you, not for love, for caring, for tenderness towards another person, but because a nameless, faceless sort of person happened to be "there," then where is any sort of security for him? What does that say about your relationship with him? Is it special? If so, how, if you could give that specialness to essentially a stranger? Someone who meant nothing? What does that say about the sacred nature of your bond with him? Is it all a lie? Are you still looking for faceless, nameless sex? Will you still? Is what the two of you do fall under making love or just having a sexual itch scratched on your part?
These are all questions that I have asked myself. He's probably doing the same. His sense of specialness, of intercourse with you being so very much more than "just" sex, has had mud rubbed into it. Yeah, there is a horror to having the LTA, the meet-up with the old college flame, and so on. But there is also a special horror to having the person that you love give something so sacred to you, to a stranger. For no reason except to scratch an itch.
Please think about that when you're inclined to vent over your BHs inability to see that you are SO done with the AP.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012