I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
You know when someone dies, and you can still feel their presence sometimes?
Like I had a good friend who died when I was in high school who died. For a long time, I could feel her around me. Every time I went to rent a movie (the last time I saw her alive, we were at blockbuster renting a Hugh grant movie together), I not only thought of her, but I could FEEL her there too. Sometimes when I saw someone jogging on the street who looked like her, I could FEEL her with me. Slowly, those moments of me feeling her around faded. Every once in a while, I still feel her, but those times are few and far between.
Same when grandpa died. There were these moments that I could just FEEL him in the room with me.
Same when my son died. I feel him with me constantly. It's stronger than a memory.
My grandma died in February, and I haven't yet had a moment where I could feel her. It sucks- she and I had a great relationship, she was a wonderful grandma and I miss her a lot. There are many many times that I think about her, but I don't feel her with me.
Today, I have been cleaning our house, because we are getting married in two weeks and people will be coming from out of town. Possibly staying with US if you can believe it...because we won't have enough to do. We live in a really small condo, and literally have no room for all thE stuff we have been getting at showers as gifts. So part of the deep cleaning today has been reorganizing the kitchen. And for the first time since she died, I felt my grandma. I was organizing pots and pans, and thinking about her kitchen- I remember her kitchen didn't used to be very big, but it was always so clean and organized and everything had a place. Then all of a sudden, there she was, my grandma, I could feel her presence in the kitchen with me, organizing all of my stuff. If I could have picked anyone in the whole world to help me open and organize all of my shower kitchen gifts, it would be my grandma. How did she know, and show up exactly when I needed her?
I know why I haven't felt her with me before- grandpa went to heaven first and she went straight away to be with him. No use in lingering around here on earth- she was ready to go. But it was nice to feel her for a minute, and know right before I get married that she is here, and she is watching me.
I wish everyone a happy day!
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."