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Newest Member: kenja (46021)

User Topic: Hope Karma and Peace At Last
flygirl123
♀ 32672
Member # 32672
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself the question "what is WRONG with people?" I, myself, have not always made the right choice, or done the right thing...we all make mistakes. But, I DO try each and every day, not always without fail, to make the right choices for me and my boys. As a parent, I ask myself with every decision I make, "is this the right thing to do for me AND my kids." I have never, in my life, deliberately set out to hurt or deceive another human being...ever.

I can say this with complete certainty. The choices I have made have been deliberate...and I have thought them all through...maybe not well...but just the same, I have given them thought.

When I decided to marry and have my children, it was a conscious choice. When I decided that the life I had before children had to change, I did it for them. My children and their well-being became my complete focus. And...my marriage. I think it is fair to say that my FAMILY was my number one priority in my life. A choice that I made, and was completely committed to them. It was Christmas morning when my world began its epic crumble.

I am almost three years out from the beginning of, what I like to call The Journey Through Hell. And while I look back at the last three years and hardly recognize the woman then, I can still feel the phantoms of her anguish, heartbreak, self-doubt, and what was insurmountable grief. She believed that she would never survive this. That she had finally reached the end of her life, and was trying to process in her over-flowing brain, that THIS, this was how it was all going to end.

A few years before my own life collapsed, a girl that I went to high-school with, discovered that the man she had married and the father of her three children was having an affair and was leaving her. In her immense pain, she loaded her three tiny children into the family car and drove off down the highway. At some point during this ill-fated trip, she pulled her car across the median at a high rate of speed and crashed her car into the oncoming traffic and hit a semi-truck and trailer...head on. She and two of her children were instantly killed. We were all devastated and stunned. Why why why would she do such a thing? Why why why would she end the lives of her three beautiful children in such a way? Why would she end her own over something as silly as a divorce?

And now, after having walked in her very same footsteps, I understand the magnitude of her grief. I know the heaviness and the endless waves of pain, depression and suffering that she was going through. While I am very able to say I would NEVER make that same choice...I do understand completely the agony that brought her to that fateful choice.

And now, three years out...I can honestly say that there is hope. And peace. And while I still have bumps in the road...they are passable, and not nearly as rough as they were in the beginning. I still have to deal with an uncooperative ex who refuses to talk nice and be civil, ever...so we just don't speak. It's sad, but its better for me that way. He STILL can get under my skin, but no longer drops me to my knees.

Karma has arrived...but not with the fanfare, fireworks, and explosions that I was hoping for. But she came, nonetheless. My ex is bitter all the time, and is finally being held accountable for his choices...and he is really having to sleep in the bed he made...and it AIN'T pretty.

I learned today of a beautiful and kind woman I know, a mother of three beautiful children, whose husband turned and walked away for a piece of trash with no self-worth. When I look at where she is right now, still struggling, as many of us on here are...I can only offer her, and anyone else on here, that there IS HOPE...and PEACE...and HAPPINESS...at the end of this. The end does not have to be an end...but a new beginning. And it may not always, or often, come in the way of a new partner, but in learning who YOU are and what YOU want and just being happy with where you are. If you do find that with another person, I think there is nothing better...but the PEACE and HOPE and HAPPINESS will come...nonetheless.

Even through all of the hell...there is a rainbow at the end. I know. I was that girl who wanted to end it all because the pain was too much to bear. And now...three years later...I can finally wake up happy, content, and grateful to have gone through that hell...because I am better for it.


Me...40 and fabulous
WXH...just plain stupid
DS's...9,7 and 6
DDays that are too numerous to mention...but no longer have relevance.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Illinois Cornfields
hangingontohope7
♀ 20024
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.


Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.


Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
soveryweary
♀ 32265
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So beaufiful. Just what I needed to read on this night.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 628 | Registered: May 2011
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing. Yes, there is hope and peace.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2819 | Registered: Jan 2010
Vulcanized
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely.

Very astute. Sometimes the walk just takes so very long .... I know I get impatient to finally get to the end of that road.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 784 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you're going thru hell, keep
going-Winston Churchill.

It was my signature when I first got here. It made sense then, and still does.

It gets better. Thanks for the reminder.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5736 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
freshstart78
♀ 39556
Member # 39556
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I needed to hear this......your words rang beyond true to me. I have felt EXACTLY as you. Thank you tor putting my thoughts into words. God bless you


Don't be afraid to start over. Its a new chance to rebuild what you want! D-day 8-05-2011. Me/BW-41. Him/WH-41.

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2013
Blackhair
♀ 39451
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big thank you for posting this here, it helps all of us when are going through hell and not sure what the future will be...... I can not wait the today when I look back and believe that i made the right decision.


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met 20 yrs younger girl online.
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Blackhair
♀ 39451
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big thank you for posting this here, it helps all of us when are going through hell and not sure what the future will be...... I can not wait the today when I look back and believe that i made the right decision.


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met 20 yrs younger girl online.
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
myperfectlife
♀ 39801
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for these words of inspiration from your heart.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
FlySomeday
♀ 35150
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you so much for sharing your story.


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
Feeling Consumed
♀ 30592
Member # 30592
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not totally there yet, but like you said, the road is not as bumpy. Thanks for the insight.


Spent half my life with an Ahole
D final!!! 11-11

"Obladi oblada life goes on...."


Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
noescape
♂ 34888
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for this.

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
STILLWANTHIM
♀ 37717
Member # 37717
Content  Posted: 12:56 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, that was beautiful.


Me bs 58
Him ws 57
Married 36 years
Children 2, grandchildren 3
Dday 1 2012-11-03, Dday2 2012-12-08
Dday 3 2013-06-20 separating

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Ontario
Faithful w/Love
♀ 33128
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful! Thank you and I feel the same as you.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2890 | Registered: Aug 2011
NewMom0220
♀ 39036
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The end does not have to be an end...but a new beginning. And it may not always, or often, come in the way of a new partner, but in learning who YOU are and what YOU want and just being happy with where you are.

^^THIS!!!!

Thank you! I needed this today. It's ironic that I also read a positive R story today where I posted a similar reply. As I was reading that positive R story I thought to myself, that is really nice, but I need to have hope for MYSELF no matter what the outcome.


Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your post. It hits close to home for me as I tried to attempt suicide. i would have left two small children behind if I had succeeded. The MOW uses this info against me stating that I am a sick person and that my WH is staying with me because he is afraid I will commit suicide if he leaves.

I am not in S or D but I read here often because I don't really know where my M is headed.

Just wanted to say that it brings hope to us that are struggling to get out of that abyss.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
StrongAlone
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much. Brought tears to my eyes.


Me (BS) 40 Him (WH, SA, covert NPD) 41
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
DD1-Right after engagement 2004
DD2-Email from OW 2008
DD3-2012-Him diagnosed with cancer, I thought we grew closer, he kept cheating.
Divorced

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Stillhurting1977
♀ 37247
Member # 37247
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was a beautiful post to read. Thank you so much for sharing!


D day Sept 2011
D Day # 2 March 15, 2013 (he never stopped the first affair, it went underground)
Me BW 36
Him WH 37
One little guy: 26 months
Status: Seperated, Divorcing

" Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Ro


Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
laney57
♀ 35617
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Flygirl,
I save many posts which inspire me and read them daily. This is added. I'm so happy you made it!


Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
Topic Posts: 20

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