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Newest Member: Lostjxb (61492)

User Topic: i dont know what to do with this anger!!
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never experienced this depth of anger! over not reading, talk about a trigger!

all I can think is if this means so much to you prove it!

I just feel like he cannot put me first, only when it is convenient for him.

I feel like he is being selfish.

so what if it is uncomfortable, I am in pain.

so what if you don't feel like it, do it anyway.

so what if I am being selfish, I need to be a bit selfish now, I never have before, never asked for what I deserved. now I need this, how can he not see how he hurts me.

he must not care, not enough to help me.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

Posts: 3324 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry your angry i dont think they can ever understand wish they had something you could try on them so they know our pain . hate that we have to deal with this reality the if you can handle it move on ....not so easy . i hate that i was that person before all this i swore left and right if i ever was a victim i wouldnt be for long cause id be long gone and getting someone better ..... yeah sure lexi nice try



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this just an "off day"? Of course you know I support him doing everything possible, reading included, however do you think maybe you both need a little break?
Just a thought for you, what if you also took a break, save your anger for tomorrow (it will wait for you!) and just hang out together?
Go write down your angry thoughts then do something else, offer to make the popcorn for tv watching? Tomorrow see if it is a better day and if he reads.
Oddly, I bought a book I thought would be helpful on Tuesday. I gave it to H and it sat on the nightstand all week. Today, he wakes up and started reading, actually couldn't put it down until he was finished. He was very emotional and said it helped so much he is going to read it again. Who knew?! Last night we went to a movie as we both needed a break.
Take care of yourself and I wish you peace and calm tonight!!!

Me: BW Him: FWH in our 50's
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas

Posts: 700 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I can relate. I've never been an angry person, and the depth of anger over being betrayed was overwhelming.

To share a quote from another member that was working with me at the time:

"You aren't used to being angry, are you?"

To share a quote from my IC at that time:

"You aren't used to dealing with your own anger are you?"

It is so frustrating, but it is best that you get the anger out in the most constructive possible manner, versus turning it inwards.

Exercises I have done that have helped:

Writing lengthy diatribes that I never sent out, just to get it all out.

Venting privately to other members here.

Venting out on the boards.

Lots of physical activity.

Talking to my IC about how angry I was.

Talking to my wife about how angry I was.

So sorry for the pain you are going through. We're here for you, and the emotions you are going through are 100% normal and valid, as painful as they are. Hang in there.

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 36185
Member # 36185
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Anger is something I have struggled with too. My own FOO issues have taught me that it is not OK to be angry, to stuff it down and ignore it.

In IC I am learning that i have to let it out or it will consume me. I need useful ways to deal with it, express it. Some ideas that we have explored that might (or might not) help you:

Writing a letter addressed to the person I am angry with

Telling a photograph if that person how I feel

Cutting/ ripping up a photo of that person

Free writing in diary how I feel

Creative writing exercises, such as using a description of some weather to describe how I feel (e.g. the dark clouds rush in, the sky has gone black...)

Going into the road tunnel at the end of our road and just letting my rage out

Go to the gym and punch bags or go on a punishing run.

Once you've let your anger out, I think you are left with the true essence of what it is that was bothering you and it is easier to approach that having got rid of some if the anger first. I think

Hope some of that is useful.

BS - 36 (me)
WH - 34

D-Day 19 April 2012
Trying R

Posts: 120 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get mad and slam my hand down against a table, or the couch, or whatever is around. I wouldn't recommend this, I think I have broken it twice.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ 38814
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the anger is there, it's there. The best way to deal with it that I have found is to express it in positive ways.

I started running for exercise.

Yes, it doesn't resolve things, but at least it builds you back up.

I have been pushing myself and when I'm done I feel so tired that the anger is under control. It's been helping me sleep and if I'm tired enough at the end of a run it even helps keep the mind movies away.

Apparently you CAN run from your problems, wink.

I guess any type of exercise will do. Running is working for me.

I have no idea how to feel better about my wife's A. At least running keeps the anger under control and works on the self-esteem while time and therapy do their thing.

Stay strong.

[This message edited by FeelingSoMuch at 3:42 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]

Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001. Married since 2007. Found out about her affairs in 2013. Now separated, waiting for divorce paperwork and in a wonderful new relationship. Life is good again.

Posts: 512 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 7

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