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I’m finally ready to say I’m done.
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kernel posted 7/27/2013 21:29 PM
I’ve been divorced for nearly 3 years, and it's 3 ½ years past Dday. I have FINALLY gotten to the point where I am willing to say, and write on this forum, that I am DONE. By DONE, I mean I finally know that if my X came crawling back all remorseful and willing to see a counselor and swearing to do right by me, I would turn him away. I think I would be sad, and maybe even a little angry at the waste, but not remotely tempted to consider it.
For the first two years after Dday, I would have welcomed it and committed to trying R. For the third year, I mostly thought I wouldn’t try R, but I wasn’t absolutely sure. I wouldn’t put it in writing or put it on this board because I wasn’t deep-in-my-gut sure.
Today, I saw Phantomlimb’s thread asking about a remorseless WS making the big turnaround and it being too late. And you know what? It IS too late. I’m finally DONE. I know that I would not be willing to do the damn hard work of R with him. I would rather put that work into MY new life, not trying to fix his. If and when I am in another serious relationship, I will be all in to the nth degree. But it will never be with X. And that is a really good place to finally be. DONE.
FaithFool posted 7/27/2013 21:47 PM
Timeline sounds about right. I cycled through bargaining for most of years 3 and 4.
Acceptance is such a gift.
better4me posted 7/27/2013 23:32 PM
Yep, when you know, you just know!
cmego posted 7/28/2013 07:48 AM
I knew the moment I separated I was done.
We did false R for 7 months...I would have gladly have tried to really make it work. But, I told him that if we S, I was D.O.N.E.
Done.
I think it is great to know that now your life only moves in one direction, and that is forward.