A post from wounded opus out my feelings into words. I have tried many times to post, but have been unable to articulate what I feel. I know my FWH loves me, I know he feels all the feeling anyone with a conscience who cheats should feel. But he is a not a communicator and I have come to except that. A quote from the above mentioned post
I told him you win. You can now live the rest of your life knowing you will never again be faced with the biggest consequence of your affair…owning what you did and telling all of your secrets. He can now breathe easy knowing he will never again be asked a single question, fear the moments I yet again bring it all back up…that’s done. I always thought divorce and losing me/us would be the worst thing that could happen to him, but it’s not, because that’s what he is choosing over coming clean and doing the work.
I have actually said theses words. I have the summons with notice complete and in my drawer BHS knows, but he is not strong enough to do the work he needs and I can't that.
I'm far from miserable, but I'm not happy either and I want to be happy. I see no future, but I wonder if its bad enough to leave. I know if I was truly miserable, I would leave. I no longer argue or even attempt to communicate. I've even tried to stop sharing anything personal, which is hard for me because I'm a talker. I don't think he has the capability of understanding that I am just walking through the motions of this marriage. I have told him, but I don't think he gets it.
I wonder when it will be more work to stay then leave.