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Another NC Letter?

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changedforlife posted 7/28/2013 08:51 AM

I found out recently that my WH broke NC yet again and has been in contact with the OW steadily over the last 6 months since Dday. :crying:

A NC letter was sent about a month after we decided to reconcile. I found this site and then discovered that he had been in constant contact with OW over that month of reconciliation.

So, since WH has consistently broken NC after sending a NC letter, should he send another letter? I think it would just be laughed at.

Right now, I do not believe there has been any contact for a little over a week and he tells me that OW has not tried to contact him. I believe she is just biding her time because every other time WH has broken NC anyway. I suspect she's figured out that I have found out about the contact since she has deleted her Twitter account that she used to contact WH.

However, OW may try to contact WH when I inform her BS about the continued contact. I was going to send her BS an email on Friday after my WH was done of work but my WH came home from work early. I want to do it on a Friday so OW will not be able to contact WH while he is at work and we would have the weekend to discuss it. Now I need to wait until next Friday. I want her world to be completely blown apart!

I kind of want another NC letter written for my sake but not if it is just going to be laughed at and broken again.

confused615 posted 7/28/2013 08:55 AM

I think a NC letter would be pointless at this point.

Im so sorry. This has to be so painful.


I don't think you should email her BH though. She knows you know about the continued contact,so she is watching her BH's accounts,waiting to intercept your email/message. Call him and tell him,so you know he knows. Hopefully with both of you aware,it will stop it from going underground again.

simplydevastated posted 7/28/2013 08:58 AM

I'm sorry to say, but at this point I'm not sure a NC letter would do any good. I would stick with contacting the other BS on Friday like you mentioned. Don't tell your husband that you're going to do it because he'll just give his OW the heads up and she'll concoct some story to save her ass.


changedforlife posted 7/28/2013 09:09 AM

Thanks for the quick replies. That is what I figured. I guess I just wanted him to put it in writing and I may get him to do it in a letter to me instead.

I am kind of wary of emailing the BS as well but I don't think I could speak to him on the phone without breaking down. I was going to ask that he phone me back and leave a voicemail that he received the message.

I'm not sure I will recover from this betrayal.

hurtbs posted 7/28/2013 09:35 AM

So at no point has the A ended, correct?

I would be very cautious moving forward here in Reconciliation. If you decide to move forward, then I would make some serious demands for you to have greater security - post-nuptual agreement, moving assets into your name, etc.

changedforlife posted 7/28/2013 10:23 AM

So at no point has the A ended, correct?

Yes, hurtbs, that is true. Although I have just been calling it broken NC, I see it now for what it is. The EA has been continuing all this time. I think calling it broken NC was a way to help myself minimize and continue moving forward because I don't see any other way for me.

As for making demands for my security, we don't really have any assets or money. We would have to sell the house and we would be lucky to just break even on it. More debt than anything else.

Kelany posted 7/28/2013 11:39 AM

Can you make copies of the proof of contact, then have someone bring it to the bs with a written letter from you to ensure *he* gets it?

I called the one BS there was but there was a language barrier, so I had a friend call who spoke Spanish with a copy of what I wanted him to know.

WaryOptimist posted 7/28/2013 13:51 PM

So at no point has the A ended, correct?

You do realize that the problem is your WS, right? He's blowing smoke, and there's no way a second NC letter will do anything. I'm so sorry.

Inform the other BS, go 180 hard, and spend your energy on you and your wellbeing, and figuring out what else you need if you're even thinking of giving your WS a shot at R.

hard_yards posted 7/28/2013 15:10 PM

Don't bother with another NC letter.

Please protect your self respect and your self esteem.

In JFO, there's a post called "20/20 Hindsight, what I wish I'd done when I Just Found Out",

Read it, and read it again.

As hard as it is, your WS is still actively in an affair, it hasn't ended.

You've spent six months waiting for him, under the impression that he's NC, but he's not.

Please read and implement the 180, get yourself stronger quickly, so that you can make smart and informed decisions for yourself and your future.

You can't wait for him to give her up, because he's not going to as things stand.

If you have a chance to R, his affair has to end first. He can continue with her, but not as your husband. He has yet to realize this.

Hugs honey, stay strong.

RedRose posted 7/28/2013 15:52 PM

Our situations sound exactly alike. I found out about the A in December and sent a brief text to the other woman telling her that I knew about it. In February, I found out that the A had continued, but thought that it had at least ended for a little while. Two weeks ago I looked at the phone records for the first time, and saw that they are still talking constantly. Looking further, I saw from the phone records that there never was a break like he had led me to believe.

Two weeks ago, WH called the OW on speakerphone to tell her that it was over. He says that it was really helpful for him to tell her about NC over the phone, and I was glad that I was able to hear it as well. Unfortunately, with all the TT coming out over the past few days, I don't think it will be enough to save our marriage, but hearing the phone call helped for the moment. Would he be willing to call, with you there?

[This message edited by RedRose at 3:55 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]

trebleclef posted 7/28/2013 23:37 PM

NC letters, phone calls, even face
-to-face brush offs are "not worth the paper they are written on" so to speak, unless the WS is repentant and serious. You cannot legislate faithfulness. They are going to be or they aren't.

Sissi12 posted 7/29/2013 01:09 AM

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

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