Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: BlueNC (61468)

User Topic: Have stbxwh arrested?
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My attorney has finally told me that there is a warrant for his arrest. I'm trying to decide the best way to do this. I really need help kids.

I stayed at a hotel last Wednesday and Thursday so that I could go to court to get the violent tenants evicted. They defaulted so I basically get them out, soon, not yet, ugh. I have to return to court on the 11th day, it feels like that 11th hour. After court I drove to our home in Boston and sent him a text that I was outside and to bring the bills out to me. I can't believe he looks worse every time I see him. He looks dead but they haven't been able to get him in the coffin yet.

The bag of bills had the cable bill on the top of the pile. He asked me to pay it for him last week because they won't even talk to him now. They will only turn it on if I call. I told him I can't. I'm trying to catch up on the bills that NEED to be paid. I really don't give a shit if he has TV!

I asked him to please check into a hospital, please. He said he loved me but he has no tv, his junky dumped him just like I told him she would once he was broke. Hundreds of thousands of dollars over the last two years. Worry about his tv???

So, anway...I would like to have him arrested to protect the finances and to have him held accountable for the destruction of our lives but also to possibly save his life.

If I have him arrested before the tenants are out there will be nobody there to protect the property. I know they are going to go nuts over this and they are very violent. They think because his sick ass told them not to worry that it will be okay. Well, it's not, is it?

As I drove away he said he loves me for the 4th time and I just couldn't help crying. He's a mess but I can't help him other than having him arrested. I pulled over and called my cousin to talk me down from the crying. She said you can't go back to him now. She calmed me and there is no way in hell I would ever be with him again after the cruelty I suffered at his hands.

On top of all this drama I've met a man on OLD and he's luscious. Holy hot lips Batman! He wants to go slow and we are only communicating by email for now and have exchanged a few pics. I know I'm going to fall hard for this lovely man. He's a widower and a very successful engineer. I don't need to be crying for the man that has been so cruel to me for so many years.

Any waaayyyy....Should I hold off on the arrest until the tenants are out? I think I should but I just don't know! I can't decide when it would be good to do. Any and all opinions are welcome! Thanks for always being here for me!

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that you have to proceed with the arrest in order to keep things moving.

I am also puzzled that you are exploring old when you haven't yet emerged from your current mess. It isn't fair to the old guy or to you. You need to finish one relationship before you start another.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9168 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree with the opinion of dating. We're only chatting because we both agree to wait the next month out. I think the divorce will be final the end of August. We've been seperated for more than two years now. I can't wait for the final papers. We haven't talked on the phone yet, just taking it slow and careful.

My biggest concern with the arrest is that the property will not be protected if he's not there. I just called him and told him he has to tell them the truth. That they are being evicted and he keeps saying they aren't...jeezus he thinks if he says it then it must be true. Totally crazy out of his mind at this point.

While talking to him he said he's going to come here and cut my cables because he doesn't have any tv. He had $1,200 last week! WTF? I feel like it's a rock and a hard place. After the phone call I felt afraid and I want to get the arrest but the violence from the tenants is just as scary!

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they are all arrested, no one can harm you.

Go ahead with it, when you are thinking clearly it's the clear option to you.

Is your WS going to be arrested or taken to a mental health facility. I would definately have him taken to get help because AFTER the divorce is final, I don't think you can do this.

When my WS and I split up, he was crazy!! Ididn't know what was wrong with him! I should have had someone take him then, but I didn't know I could...

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child.
Dday 12/19/11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!
D final10/30/2012

Posts: 4127 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see how much protection he will give the property with his presence. The fact that he is violent and threatening you tells me that he needs to be arrested.

Why doesn't he just watch tv on his computer like everyone else? Or get a bloody antenna? It's petty.

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15607 | Registered: Jun 2006
♀ 36060
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps I am misunderstanding, but if there is a warrant out right now, how is the timing within your control?

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 751 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called the police to pick him up last night. I hope it saves his life. It's only in my control in so far as unless they pick him up or stop him for a violation in the car there'd be no reason for them to look for him. Boston is a big city and with a lot of problems lately. He wouldn't be a priority.

I let them know he needs meds and that they would know as soon as they see him he's not well. Truly skeletal, to a point it's shocking and frightening to see.

It was difficult to get someone to listen to me and I got a call from a patrol car while I believe they were going to go into the house but then a radio call came in for 15 shots fired!

I'll have to call again this morning to see if they have him. I know it's the best option right now. If I don't do it he may end up dead in there and I certainly don't want to be the one to find him.

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hoping all goes as well as you hoped.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Kajem;

I have to go there today to get medication. I'll call later to se if he's been picked up.

I'm a bit jittery this morning. It's all coming to a head now. It's all good and it's all frightening.

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you have the tenants evicted, can't you have the police there to escort them away?

And if your STBXWH loves you like he claims, would he be making threats over something as stupid as cable? He's trying to hoover you.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11650 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holly; You're so right he's hoovering! I love you, I'll cut your cable..I don't know why I'm still so surprised at how hard he's fallen. It truly is all coming apart for him together for me. He's not a happy camper.

If they keep believing him that all is well the sheriff's department will remove them with a truck and movers and put their belongings in storage. All of which I'll be required to pay and try to be reimbursed for.

I'm going to write a letter to put under their door when I go there today. Another 2 hour trip down an hour or two running around and 2 hours back, it's back breaking.

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On top of all this drama I've met a man on OLD and he's luscious. Holy hot lips Batman! He wants to go slow and we are only communicating by email for now and have exchanged a few pics. I know I'm going to fall hard for this lovely man. He's a widower and a very successful engineer.

Please be careful. There is an OLD scam out there where the scammers pretend to be widowers. They get you hooked and then eventually start asking for money. They find pics of very attractive men online and use them on their fake profiles.

[This message edited by lieshurt at 8:18 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

A wise woman once said "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.

If someone keeps stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.

Posts: 17415 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you lieshurt. I'm treading water slowly with him. Email only. I'm having fun and if it turns out well I'll be surprised but so far so good.

While in Boston today I tried to get him arrested and it was a hot mess. I guess I have to hire a sheriff for a civil process? I don't know...will call atty. later. I'm exhausted today from the entire situation.

Thank God my cousin went with me for the arrest. When I got there shitlicker was there although he told me 3 times last week she's moved out. He's lost even more weight and his head looks like a skull. Seriously, a skull with no flesh just skin, like a mummified version of him. I've never ever seen such destruction and walking around. He seriously needs to be taken in for his own benefit.

I told him that when he asked why I was having him arrested. He just laughed at me. Shitlicker tried to provoke me and I may have been in a brawl if my cousin hadn't been there. She held me back.

The next court date is the 12th of next month and it can't get here soon enough. It's only a pretrial hearing but I'm so ready to stop worrying about his health. To stop being involved in any way is the only kind thing I can do for myself. Moving on and detaching is going to be so much easier. I have no desire to see him yet when I do I feel a need to help him. Not my job anymore but if any of you saw him you'd undestand, as the cops did yesterday once they got a look. It's a human compassion now, not love.

His head is so thin, as well as the rest of him, but his teeth are too big for his face now. They are protruding. I mean it when I say a mummy. How do you do that to yourself? He shook his head laughing with the cops because they couldn't find him in the "system" and his glasses went flying because there's nothing there to hold them on.

I do not need this. I do not want this. I am detached enough to know that I deserve so much better but any of you would stop and try to help because of the way he looks. I just pray he's arrested soon. I'm hanging in there folks and I love you for being here for me.

I'm just exhausted and want it to all go away but I still have a lot of work to do. Mojo needed kids.

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
Grace and Flowers
♀ 34431
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, cw, I've been there. WXH lookedthe same way. I too, worried, had him picked up, etc. Until I realized that nothing I did wokld "help". If he died, he died.

It was so hard to let just let him kill himself. I used to go look for his body occasionally. I wanted him to have a proper burial, and have our kids know for sure if he was dead.

It's true that a stranger would stop and help. But if you know him, you know he will die if he wants to. I know how hard this is. But you really cannot helo him. Having him arrested is a band WXH was arrested HUNDREDS of times. If you can let go, do. Perhaps seek some counseling for co-dependency.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

"Absence makes the clarity grow stronger" - cantaccept

"A good man with good intentions has no reason to lie" - somer222

Posts: 1398 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
♀ 36559
Member # 36559
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Curious, after the divorce is settled, is there anyway you can move far away from this shit show? Just reading your posts have me emotionally exhausted. I can't imagine what that high level of stress is doing to you. You deserve a break.

Hope all goes well for you in the upcoming weeks. Huge hugs.

Me 36
DS 16
DD 4


I've made a huge mistake - GOB

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: missmydogs
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadmad; It is so terrible to witness. I've made calls to neighbors to check that he's not dead. What the hell. I do fear finding him dead and the house ransacked by shitlicker.

Missmydogs; I would love to move! After the dust settles I hope to have sold the Boston property first and to put it away. Put it all behind me. As much as I loved that house it's been neglected and destroyed. There is no love in that building anymore. It's just property and it's my investment in it that's now important. I want to be secure. Not just for myself but for my kids too. I know they are tortured by this. They don't have a home to visit me in there anymore. They are so angry and so worried for me. I want to be happy and strong for them and my grandchildren.

That's the biggest heartache in all of this. Watching them struggle to be there for me to hold me up and give me the strength I need to get through this. I've just finished sorting the stuff they brought up from there for me. I'm just beginning to clear the debris and there is still so much more to remove from there.

If it goes on the market I expect it will sell pretty quickly but as the NPD tribe knows, there's a boatload of caulk to clear out! HA! It seems overwhelming at times and at times I wish I could just walk away and leave it all behind. Not ever look back. The only things there that I truly want are Christmas ornaments and holiday decorations. Some of them are junk and not worth looking at but mixed in with the replaceable junk are treasures to my heart. Decorations the kids made or friends gave. Those are irreplaceable.

Boy, imagine, just imagine walking away into the sunset. Like an old western...riding a beautiful steed into the sunset and looking forward to a new day. A new life. I might even leave all my shoes behind me if I could just walk away and I love my shoes! I own 50 pairs..heh no it's not a fetish!

Seriously though Missmydogs, I would love to move. I have such a hard time maintaining the property alone. I need help and I know that I can have a more enjoyable day to day life if I wasn't always wishing I had help with mowing, whacking, weeding and then the house maintenance has fallen behind. I'm doing the work of 3 people alone. I would love to not have the reminders of this and to start fresh. It just takes that ugly word time and I'm doing my best to be as on top of things as I can but to also let it go if I can't get something done it just has to wait even if it does kill me to look at...breathe.

Thanks so much for being here. It reduces my stress levels so much to hear your feedback and to have the clear headed responses you always provide here. Thank you...

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 6330
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call the cops and tell them you need to remove your belongings from the house and you need them there for protection. Get all your stuff out in one fell swoop. Pronto.

Posts: 5485 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 17

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.