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another post, how would this make you feel???

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cantaccept posted 7/28/2013 10:48 AM

H repeatedly uses this phrase as a comfort??

"no one is hurting you now"

When he says that immediately my gut says, "no one??"

It wasn't "no one", it was you, you hurt me.

This wasn't some random act of cruelty from a stranger. This was you choosing to hurt me.

Am I being overly sensitive?

Would this bother anyone else?

It just bugs me. I hate when he says this.

Teach8 posted 7/28/2013 10:53 AM

Yes. That would bother me. I've been reading your posts all morning. Imo...your wh hasn't owned anything in regards to his a. The fact that he can't even say "I" when he discusses why you hurt is proof of that. I'm so sorry for your pain, and unfortunately, he is compounding it with his denial and rugsweeping. (((Cantaccept)))

confused615 posted 7/28/2013 10:54 AM

Ive read your posts. He doesn't get it. He still is engaging in wayward thinking..he doesn't seem to have any idea as to what he has done to you or the marriage.

No one is hurting you NOW? Um..he is..right? He's being insensitive and cruel. He's telling you it's "not all bout you and your pain." And you're very early on in this process. It IS about you and your pain and the shit he has pulled. What is is NOT about is his selfishness and memememememe attitude.

What is he DOING to show you he wants to R? Not what is he saying..what are his actions telling you?

cantaccept posted 7/28/2013 11:54 AM

Again thank you.

I doubt myself constantly, wonder if I am being difficult.

It helps to know others would feel the same, I feel as if I am being so selfish.

Then I worry that I am failing to protect myself again.

Just feels like too many issues all at once. An avalanche.

Facing who he is, facing what I contributed, realizing that I have lived my whole life without ever stopping to think about me and what I deserve.

It is a hard concept for me, everytime I think "i am worth this" I feel guilty for being so selfish.

JustWow posted 7/28/2013 12:01 PM

yeah, that would really bug me. tons.

It is like he is trying to disassociate himself from your pain, and , kinda talk down to you like your crazy for this present pain of yours (look baby, there's no monster in the closet, go to sleep).

I'd be boiling, I would.

FeelingSoMuch posted 7/28/2013 12:19 PM

that would bother me, too. A lot. You're NOT being overly sensitive. Pretty normal reaction.

Stay strong.

Kalliopeia posted 7/28/2013 20:59 PM

I have heard that a lot, too.

From what mine did, I now have a panic disorder and severe anxiety problems.

Your husband is being hugely invalidating. He needs to get over himself so you can get over his affair.

LosferWords posted 7/28/2013 21:03 PM

Him just saying, "no one is hurting you now" hurts you in itself. That's just mind boggling.

sri624 posted 7/28/2013 22:48 PM

you are not alone...i would feel the exact same way as you.

myperfectlife posted 7/28/2013 22:54 PM

My WS has said "I just want you to heal/be happy/smile."
My response?
That's not going to happen for a long time no matter what the outcome is for our M.
"no one is hurting you now"
simple response: it hasn't stopped hurting from before...

libertyrocks posted 7/29/2013 11:32 AM

Our MC's occasionally tell me this, too. They're really big on focusing on the now and not the past for some reason. I feel your pain.

5454real posted 7/29/2013 11:38 AM

What an ass. That's just another way of saying "get over it". 2-5 years. If he can't stand the heat, why did he start the fire?


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