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Newest Member: LosingControl (47981)

User Topic: WH Accusing Me of Being Unfaithful
BritChick
♀ 31576
Member # 31576
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so done with still being accused of being unfaithful by a man who cheated on me. A man who has his ex fiancee and ex-girlfriends on Facebook. A man who messaged one of these ex-gfs yesterday and deleted it today. A man who walked to the end of the garden to speak on the phone a week ago. A man who refused to take a call on his mobile the other day when i was standing with him.

I have tried explaining how his actions look dodgy but he just says Its my problem and we should be over this already :-(

I dont really think he is cheating but his continued accusations that I am cheating have seriously pushed me over the edge!! :-(


Me BS 36
Him WH 38
DDay May 2010

‎"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: UK
NotDefeatedYet
♂ 33642
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like someone who only cares about himself. If he isn't cheating, the sneaky behavior sure would make it seems he is.


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
DeadMumWalking
♀ 25341
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Project much asshole??

You KNOW this has NOTHING to do with you, right?

I'm sorry he's being such a douche.

((((BritChick))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: 21, 20, 17
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
heartbroken_kk
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is still working from the cheater's manual, you know.

His behavior says he is still having an affair or nurturing one, or more than one. Why do you think he isn't cheateing? These are the things people do when they are being unfaithful, not when they are being faithful.

And yes, projecting his behavior onto you, is another giant red flag.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

((((BritChick))))


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1438 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Kalliopeia
♀ 35053
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my father was a terrible cheater. my mom says she always knew when he was back at it because he would start accusing her of it and attacking her over it.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, (((BritChick)))) All I have to do is see your name, and I know what you'll say. "He's not cheating, but he's accusing me of it."

You have NEVER been given ANY reason to believe he's stopped cheating. His behavior points to continued infidelity.

Especially the projection, "You're cheating on me!"

Is this the way you wish to live your life?


BS-me, 53
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 10183 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
wifeno2
♀ 31529
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geez- Does he project much?

Or is this the bait and switch tactic?

Either way I bet you are over it!


Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
cayc
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His behavior says he is still having an affair or nurturing one, or more than one.

This in spades. When waywards are deep in their As they accuse their BS of cheating. It's how their damaged brains protect them from feeling badly about what they are doing. By accusing you, he buys mental protection "I deserve to fuck OW#whatever b/c BritChick is cheating on me".

Yep pure wayward twisty thinking.

A man who has his ex fiancee and ex-girlfriends on Facebook.

Because he's still cheating.

A man who messaged one of these ex-gfs yesterday and deleted it today.

Because he's still cheating.

A man who walked to the end of the garden to speak on the phone a week ago.

Because he's still cheating.

A man who refused to take a call on his mobile the other day when i was standing with him.

Because he's still cheating.

THIS MAN IS NOT BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU.

I'm shouting in the hopes that you'll hear it. Don't just be done with him accusing you of nonsense. Be done with the lying cheating him.


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3400 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Clarrissa
♀ 21886
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You bet your ass he's still cheating. I accused my BH of having cheated on me when I was in the thick of it. Standard ploy.


He's still cheat8ng because you're (tacitly, at least) still allowing it. Since you haven't kicked his sorry ass to the curb, he thinks he can carry on as he has been. He's using your lack of action (whether it be losing this loser or an extremely hard 180) as a perpetual get out of jail free card. Until one of you is out of there (him preferably) he'll keep rubbing ypur nose in his As.


You've been dealing with this crap for a while now, entirely TOO long. It's past time to draw your line in the sand and give him consequences that show you mean business because it's obvious he doesn't take you seriously right now.


I don't mean to come across as harsh BC, I just wanted to say what you already know. You deserve better than what he's giving you. It's time you started to *believe* it.


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5998 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BritChick, I'm sorry you're going through this. His behavior is selfish, plain and simple. He's putting all his guilty actions on to you. Don't let him do this. If he wants to lie and make himself look like a victim, that's his problem. You know the truth.

(((Hugs)))


Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5951 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
BritChick
♀ 31576
Member # 31576
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for pointing it out to me.

I don't know why I don't think he is cheating - maybe false delusion that he wouldn't do it again, believing him when he said he wouldn't. I guess I think also a lack of opportunity for him to as he doesn't go out much - but I know there could be emotional affairs plus he could say he is at work but isn't etc.

I have to finish work today and then am going to tell him not to bother coming home.

Luckily for me, he didn't take his door keys to work this morning - maybe that's cos I hid them under some papers on the counter last night

We are joint tenants on a rented house, so I cant change the locks. But if he doesn't have his keys (and no one else has copies), then I am not doing anything wrong


Me BS 36
Him WH 38
DDay May 2010

‎"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: UK
hill
12166
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, BritChick.

My XWH also tried to explain to me that part of the reason he had an A was because he thought I was having an A.

Never. Happened.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by hill at 7:55 AM, July 29th (Monday)]


Posts: 3162 | Registered: Sep 2006
itainteasy
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

File, BritChick.

End this cycle of abuse.

He IS abusing you. He constantly yells at you, puts you down, accuses you of horrible things....he makes your childrens' lives miserable.

Why stay? Imagine how your life will be when he's out of it.

Quiet. Peaceful. Happy you. Happy kiddos. 1,000,000 pounds lifted off of your shoulders. LIBERATED! FREEDOM!

If you stay with him---you'll get more of the shitty treatment he doles out. He doesn't think you're worth treating well. You have to KNOW that you are.

((((((((((((BritChick))))))))))))

[This message edited by itainteasy at 10:29 AM, July 29th (Monday)]


Posts: 3446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
BritChick
♀ 31576
Member # 31576
Default  Posted: 1:50 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I confronted WH about his constant accusations of me being untrustworthy. I asked him if he was having another A. He replied No. I explained how when he had his last A, people had said that its those who accus their partners are usually the ones who are being unfaithful themselves.

He got all mad and acted insulted. The next day he went on about it again. He said that he gets paranoid about me using my phone etc but that he cant say anything cos I will get pissed off! Poor him.

So for the last week now, he has been making comments and accusations - that my phone goes off all hours of the day and night, that I am always talking on my phone, that I dont tell him stuff, that I shot off to a friends at the last minute etc. All false, by the way.

Anyway, yesterday around 7pm, I sent a text to a friend to see if she wanted to pop over with her baby today and another to a Mum of one of the little ones i look after asking for her email address to send her some photos. My phone was in my bag all evening so i didnt see the reply from the Mum til 10pm, so I replied and said Sorry for the late reply and will send photos in the morning.

Then we went up to bed. My friend replied to my earlier text around 10.10pm. My WHs first comment was Who is texting you this time of night? Then he said And you wonder why I get paranoid?! I denied it but he said it again.

Then the Mum replied to say Thanks and WH accused me of being on my phone all day etc.

THEN he asked to SEE the last text I received!!! With nothing to hide, I showed him. But I was so fucking angry!!

All the years he has accused me of being unfaithful and untrustworthy, then HE has an A. And now I am still the one being accused and having my phone checked? I dont fucking think so!!!!

[This message edited by BritChick at 1:54 AM, August 16th (Friday)]


Me BS 36
Him WH 38
DDay May 2010

‎"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: UK
AStar
♀ 39971
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Britchick, your WH brings to mind a quote by my 7 year old nephew to describe him: your WH "is a special kind of stupid!"
What a creep, accusing you when he is the one being wayward! He is merely doing to shift attention from his cheating and make you defensive. This is abusive and you need to stop him from doing this to you.
You deserve to be treated better and his As need to stop.
180 should do for this guy!


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
WoundedOpus
♀ 39521
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know the details of your story, but from what e redone else is saying, it doesn't sound good. This stops when you say it does, you do not have to take this kind of abuse!

He is either cheating now, or a full blown dry adulterer and will cheat again in the future...and then blame it on you when he does.

I'm so sorry, no one deserves this kind of treatment, this hellish kind of life. We all deserve much better, but until you believe that, he is never going to stop.

*hugs*


Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Seven years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((britchick)))) Sending you strength today.


You can call me NIK

“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.”
― Hafiz


Posts: 30165 | Registered: Aug 2011
Daysie
♀ 38873
Member # 38873
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Britchick :- Gently....

My husband of 35yrs was always very protective of me (or so I always believed). He wanted to know where I was going, what time I would be back, who would be there etc ?

Lots of times he would take me places and then come and pick me up. Often he would be snide with comments about other men being there

I found out 6mths ago that he had an A with my then best friend That was 32yrs ago.

When I contacted her after D/day - do you know what she said to me when I told her how possessive (now I know that was how it was) ?

She said - "Yes that because he knows how easy it is to get away with things during an A"

((((Hugs))))


Me BS 56
Him WH 56
M 36yrs
A 32yrs ago with my then BF
DD 1 / DS 1
Who is this man ??????


Posts: 85 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, (((BritChick))) Same song, different day.

You say you're "so over" this. But you're still with a man who show no remorse, no empathy, and engages in this nonsense over and over.

What will it REALLY take for you to be "so over" this guy?

What's keeping you with him?


BS-me, 53
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 10183 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
whattheh
♀ 40032
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When a spouse accuses the other of cheating it can be a sign they themselves are cheating instead.

This is in many of the top lists of cheating behaviors.

My fWH accused me of cheating when he first started his PA.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 34 T 36
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD, HPV, HSV-1...
MOW late 40s psycho stalker lookin to upgrade lifestyle at my expense

Posts: 808 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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