I have tried explaining how his actions look dodgy but he just says Its my problem and we should be over this already :-(
I dont really think he is cheating but his continued accusations that I am cheating have seriously pushed me over the edge!! :-(
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson
You KNOW this has NOTHING to do with you, right?
I'm sorry he's being such a douche.
His behavior says he is still having an affair or nurturing one, or more than one. Why do you think he isn't cheateing? These are the things people do when they are being unfaithful, not when they are being faithful.
And yes, projecting his behavior onto you, is another giant red flag.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.
You have NEVER been given ANY reason to believe he's stopped cheating. His behavior points to continued infidelity.
Especially the projection, "You're cheating on me!"
Is this the way you wish to live your life?
Or is this the bait and switch tactic?
Either way I bet you are over it!
His behavior says he is still having an affair or nurturing one, or more than one.
This in spades. When waywards are deep in their As they accuse their BS of cheating. It's how their damaged brains protect them from feeling badly about what they are doing. By accusing you, he buys mental protection "I deserve to fuck OW#whatever b/c BritChick is cheating on me".
Yep pure wayward twisty thinking.
A man who has his ex fiancee and ex-girlfriends on Facebook.
Because he's still cheating.
A man who messaged one of these ex-gfs yesterday and deleted it today.
A man who walked to the end of the garden to speak on the phone a week ago.
A man who refused to take a call on his mobile the other day when i was standing with him.
THIS MAN IS NOT BEING FAITHFUL TO YOU.
I'm shouting in the hopes that you'll hear it. Don't just be done with him accusing you of nonsense. Be done with the lying cheating him.
He's still cheat8ng because you're (tacitly, at least) still allowing it. Since you haven't kicked his sorry ass to the curb, he thinks he can carry on as he has been. He's using your lack of action (whether it be losing this loser or an extremely hard 180) as a perpetual get out of jail free card. Until one of you is out of there (him preferably) he'll keep rubbing ypur nose in his As.
You've been dealing with this crap for a while now, entirely TOO long. It's past time to draw your line in the sand and give him consequences that show you mean business because it's obvious he doesn't take you seriously right now.
I don't mean to come across as harsh BC, I just wanted to say what you already know. You deserve better than what he's giving you. It's time you started to *believe* it.
All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.
I don't know why I don't think he is cheating - maybe false delusion that he wouldn't do it again, believing him when he said he wouldn't. I guess I think also a lack of opportunity for him to as he doesn't go out much - but I know there could be emotional affairs plus he could say he is at work but isn't etc.
I have to finish work today and then am going to tell him not to bother coming home.
Luckily for me, he didn't take his door keys to work this morning - maybe that's cos I hid them under some papers on the counter last night
We are joint tenants on a rented house, so I cant change the locks. But if he doesn't have his keys (and no one else has copies), then I am not doing anything wrong
My XWH also tried to explain to me that part of the reason he had an A was because he thought I was having an A.
[This message edited by hill at 7:55 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
End this cycle of abuse.
He IS abusing you. He constantly yells at you, puts you down, accuses you of horrible things....he makes your childrens' lives miserable.
Why stay? Imagine how your life will be when he's out of it.
Quiet. Peaceful. Happy you. Happy kiddos. 1,000,000 pounds lifted off of your shoulders. LIBERATED! FREEDOM!
If you stay with him---you'll get more of the shitty treatment he doles out. He doesn't think you're worth treating well. You have to KNOW that you are.
[This message edited by itainteasy at 10:29 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
He got all mad and acted insulted. The next day he went on about it again. He said that he gets paranoid about me using my phone etc but that he cant say anything cos I will get pissed off! Poor him.
So for the last week now, he has been making comments and accusations - that my phone goes off all hours of the day and night, that I am always talking on my phone, that I dont tell him stuff, that I shot off to a friends at the last minute etc. All false, by the way.
Anyway, yesterday around 7pm, I sent a text to a friend to see if she wanted to pop over with her baby today and another to a Mum of one of the little ones i look after asking for her email address to send her some photos. My phone was in my bag all evening so i didnt see the reply from the Mum til 10pm, so I replied and said Sorry for the late reply and will send photos in the morning.
Then we went up to bed. My friend replied to my earlier text around 10.10pm. My WHs first comment was Who is texting you this time of night? Then he said And you wonder why I get paranoid?! I denied it but he said it again.
Then the Mum replied to say Thanks and WH accused me of being on my phone all day etc.
THEN he asked to SEE the last text I received!!! With nothing to hide, I showed him. But I was so fucking angry!!
All the years he has accused me of being unfaithful and untrustworthy, then HE has an A. And now I am still the one being accused and having my phone checked? I dont fucking think so!!!!
[This message edited by BritChick at 1:54 AM, August 16th (Friday)]
**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson
He is either cheating now, or a full blown dry adulterer and will cheat again in the future...and then blame it on you when he does.
I'm so sorry, no one deserves this kind of treatment, this hellish kind of life. We all deserve much better, but until you believe that, he is never going to stop.
“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
My husband of 35yrs was always very protective of me (or so I always believed). He wanted to know where I was going, what time I would be back, who would be there etc ?
Lots of times he would take me places and then come and pick me up. Often he would be snide with comments about other men being there
I found out 6mths ago that he had an A with my then best friend That was 32yrs ago.
When I contacted her after D/day - do you know what she said to me when I told her how possessive (now I know that was how it was) ?
She said - "Yes that because he knows how easy it is to get away with things during an A"
You say you're "so over" this. But you're still with a man who show no remorse, no empathy, and engages in this nonsense over and over.
What will it REALLY take for you to be "so over" this guy?
What's keeping you with him?
This is in many of the top lists of cheating behaviors.
My fWH accused me of cheating when he first started his PA.