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Is it hard to stick up for yourself?

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egirl posted 7/28/2013 14:51 PM

Just wondering if anyone see's this issue in themselves

The last two relationships I've had lasted through bad behavior and I didn't leave until my family was insulted or it affected them. NO matter I was allowing myself to be taken for granted (and realized it, but denied it), but when my children or grandchildren were disregarded or not treated well, that was when my brain kicked in and said enough.
I wonder why I didn't leave before that happened? Why would I take bad behavior, and only act when it was spilling over to my family? This latest time, no one in my family had to experience it - what occurred was only known to me.

phmh posted 7/28/2013 21:24 PM

I think that pertains to a lot of us BSs. I know that I will never put up with bad behavior again. I think a lot of it has to come from valuing yourself enough to say no. Sadly, many of us didn't value ourselves enough. But we can start doing so! Good for you for recognizing this about yourself and taking action!

tryingagain74 posted 7/28/2013 21:31 PM

Yes-- my whole family thought that I was settling when I decided to marry XWH. I definitely had a negative view of myself and put up with a lot of his garbage because I thought that I couldn't do any better.

Like phmh said, I'm happy that I have the chance to do things over again and to view myself as someone who is worthy of a more giving and healthy relationship. I wish the same for you.

Kajem posted 7/29/2013 03:53 AM

I am learning to speak up with each subsequent relationship since my marriage. It's tough.

Get my kids involved and I go into mother bear mode. I need to figure out why I don't go all mother bear for myself?

I keep telling myself its a process but I wonder if I have always put up with bad behavior.



9.10.11 posted 7/29/2013 06:54 AM

I find that I also put up with alot and don't stick up for what is right for me. I find I try to "help" too much and put myself last.....again like I did in my marriage. I'm a wore out rug.

The only person that can make you happy is you. Do as I say, not as I do.

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