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ohforthree posted 7/28/2013 15:59 PM

My wife and I have been separated for two weeks since she asked for divorce on july 15th. Citing "I love you but I am not in love with you". She is staying with her sister.

I have been working the 180 plan to the max, very little contact via text and nothing in person. All texts have been friendly and upbeat (following the 180)

She text me a few moments ago and wants me to bring our dogs to her sister's house so she can spend time with them on her days off (she is a EMT and works shifts). She offered to come pick them up when I go to work tomorrow so I would not be home. I went ahead and told her I would bring the dogs to her for a couple of days and offered to eat dinner with her so we can discuss our household budget.

I know that a "date" is a violation of the 180 principle, and I know for a fact that she is still "in the fog". If we do wind up having dinner, what are some suggestions???????????????

HELP !!!. I am nervous, scared, and sad all at the same time right now.

My immediately thought is to have the dinner with her, but NO discussion of our marriage, or the separation, or anything while she is still in this divorce "fog". Right now I plan to keep it light, ask her about her workweek, tell her about mine and get through the meeting.

Any suggestions ???

myperfectlife posted 7/28/2013 16:06 PM

I don't have any advice as I am all new to this.
Just wanted to let you know I understand your anxiety!
So hard being where we one should ever have to deal with this stuff.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 7/28/2013 16:39 PM

My suggestions....don't eat dinner with her. Can the house stuff be done through email? You are so new to this and it's so easy to be sucked back in at first. If she emails you anything that gets your emotions rolling, it's much easier to control yourself if you aren't looking at her face. Also, why can't she get the dogs? Not your problem to figure out when, where, and how. She moved out. Her problem.

Nature_Girl posted 7/28/2013 16:42 PM

Hope you're not planning to ever get the dogs back.

ifinallyfoundme posted 7/28/2013 16:52 PM

duplicate sorry

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 4:55 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]

ifinallyfoundme posted 7/28/2013 16:54 PM

anything while she is still in this divorce "fog"

Is she seeing anyone? You have to know sis is cheering her on to divorce court. That's tough, right now the only connection you have are the dogs.

Why did you stop MC? Are your problems related to your unborn babies?

ohforthree posted 7/28/2013 21:01 PM

Yes the problems stem from her unhappiness after 2 miscarriages. Anti-Depression med, then more meds, then she totally changed toward me.

No affair that I can confirm, the normal affair signs were not there.

Just walked in one day and said "I am tired of being unhappy and I want a divorce, I am not in love with you anymore" and moved to her sisters house 2 miles away.

We had no contact at all, of any kind, for two weeks. Then last week she kept wanting to see our dogs. Tonight I took them to her (she works odd hours and is off Mon and Tue) to wit she agreed to bring them back on Wednesday (we'll see)

Meeting for dinner tonight was the first face to face since she left. I went OUT OF MY WAY to make sure we did not talk about "us" and instead kept our conversations about work and friendly things. I don't want to push her away.

Ended it well, walked her out. I think we both choked up when we hugged, but I maintained myself and so did she.

I know this violates the 180 principles, but at least I kept it friendly and without self-pity. Just tried to keep it as normal and consistent as possible.


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