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Just a thought, but I'm curious if any of you folks ever felt or did any of the above. I was a busy parent raising my kids I felt much of the time by myself while my spouse had a LTA. Eventually when things slowed down and I focused on the M more the A was exposed. We separated I worked through my emotions while my spouse continued his LTA -long distance. Through this process I of taking care of a home and all the responsibilities I found strength and enjoyment in my independence, being alone.

Well the shine started to fade on the LTA once it came to light and it seems the AP wasn't all that great and couldn't fill the void of my portion of the life we had built together.

To be honest after the effects of the drama-it's still there- started to fade I'm having a blast.

I say this all because when we initially find out the shock sometimes makes us appear desperate, when all we are trying to do is save our marriages. There really isn't much you can do until your spouse comes out of that fog. For me working on myself mentally and physically while he was in wonderland made me stronger and a more desirable mate for not only my spouse but other potential suitors.

Actions speak louder than words on the BS part as well. I'm still a work in progress, we are still working on it.

Have any of you folks acted aloof, or unavailable while WS was in lala land? I mean I make sure to look extra special and smell really good when we are out together, and it's interesting to see his expression when others openly flirt....I'm not wearing my rings.

Just trying to learn this dance all over again.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 4:45 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]

I don't think I ever appeared desperate after discovery while trying to save my marriage. In fact, I was willing to walk away in order to save it.

I worked on myself for *me* to become stronger and repair myself after he broke me. Not for him, not potential suitors, but me.

Sure we work on ourselves for our self, but a side benefit is others including our spouses are attracted to the new or improved you.

The more confident you that says I will make it it and refused to defined what happens to me.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 5:55 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]

As far as I'm concerned, WW has chosen the OM. Her actions make this crystal clear.

Because of this, I have no real need to conversate with her, other than money issues child issues. Therefore, I do not speak to her. If she asks something, I reply with a short answer, but that's it.

It sucks because she's still in my home, refusing to leave. One good saving grace is she's a flight attendant, so she's usually gone 4 or 5 days out of the week. But, when she's home, it sucks. My stress level goes through the roof, and because we live in a small home, it's nearly impossible to avoid her.

On my lawyers advice, I've played dumb, and basically confronted her on nothing she does. This has really worked in my favor because she's basically hung herself. I now have plenty of evidence and documentation to file for D under Adultery. But it sucks having to play a fool, and let her think I know nothing.