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WH is doing everything right and we seem to be doing ok so far. Of course, I struggle with the mind movies, thoughts, questions, triggers, etc just about all day (only a little over a month out) but I am taking one day at a time. A new realization hit me yesterday that I need help with...

How do you get past the disgust of the person your WS was during the affair? I think of the graphic emails to her, his nasty attitude toward her husband, the complete disregard for us. Who WAS that person? The thought that that was the same person just upsets me beyond belief. He says it was the lowest point in his life and is ashamed.

We can't afford counseling, but are really trying to work on us. Like I said, we're doing as ok as can be right now. He is doing everything right. BUT now I can't shake this question of how he could BE like that? Was he completely out of his mind? Its unsettling that this "other" person was in him.

I can relate. I can say that these feelings will diminish with time if your H is working hard on restoring your trust in him, but unfortunately for me those feelings of disgust for my fWW plaque me from time to time as well. We are 18 months out. For me at least I think it was due in part by how long it took my WW to finally display true remorse. We had about 14 months of R with her going through the motions. This eroded my feelings for her more than the A itself. If he is showing you remorse and working hard on your M, I suspect your feelings of disgust will improve. He will replace them with more pleasant memories. My advice is to define for yourself what 'true remorse' looks like.

Good luck and stay strong.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 7:59 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

I find that to be the hardest part to move on from. Its one level of messed up to just have an A...but all the attitude and things that come with it are what really make me take a long pause.