I really couldn't think of a name for this post. Just rambling I think with some things that I need to get out.
I feel I am getting somewhere, slowly at least. There was a morning a few days ago, I woke up and after about 5 minutes of being awake, I was shocked to realise that I hadn't thought of him as soon as I woke up, for at least 5 minutes. That says something about healing right?
My head is still muddled. I realise that sometimes, I am still holding onto some kind of hope that maybe one day... But that hope is diminishing. BUT at the same time, I KNOW that this is a person that I could never be with again. Not romantically, definitely not intimately again, his attitude towards sex just sickens me. Thinking about it makes me feel physically sick 
It was realising that I just could not be with him again, and I have realised it for a long time, that has helped me make steps to get over him and the horrible relationship. I know he still has some kind of hold over me but I can feel myself becoming stronger and more resistant to him.
I have made steps at ignoring his contact. He has been bombarding me with cute pictures and videos of pigs as he knows I love them, he now claims to love them too UGH!
Yesterday, he sent me a picture of... HIMSELF! He was wearing his airsoft gear. I woke up to it yesterday morning and it was sent at 2am. Any reason for this? I cannot fathom it at all really.
Anyway, I felt the need to mention the picture as looking at it didn't make me sad really, it was more of a UGH moment, he looked dirty and sunburned lol
Sadly there are still times when I think about everything and I can hardly breathe, but those times are becoming less and less. Moving on is tough but it is what I am determined to do.
Thanks for listening :)
ETA: Today I received yet another pig video. Just don't understand this. I don't think he is trying to get me back this time around as he hasn't mentioned meeting or anything of the sort, so this contact has me confused as he cannot be gaining anything from it at all.
[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 8:16 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
