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Newest Member: MrsB (61169)

User Topic: This S#!T has to stop...
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Potty training problem

DS3 soon to be 4, has used the potty for #1 for quite some time with very few accidents. But he has never gone #2. He is on a cycle where he goes in his overnight diaper before he up and out if his room in the morning. The rest of the day he is fine in underpants with no accidents. It doesn't seem like he is holding it or doing it on purpose. We practice and try during the day but no success.

Any ideas? We are at a loss.

[This message edited by Chicho at 8:37 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

BS 42
fWS 38 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No ideas, just wanted to let you know it's pretty normal. Young children feel like their poop is part of their body and to do it on the toilet is scary because they feel like they are losing a part of themselves. My son (almost 2) freaks out and screams any time he poops without a diaper on.

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 25341
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS 2 (now 18) had this issue when he was 3, here's what we did:

He was VERY INTERESTED in some underwear that had construction machines on it (he would wear a pullup during the day due to the #2 issue).

We made a chart and told him that every day that he pooped in the toilet he would get a star, and if he got all stars for 2 weeks in a row then we would go shopping together for the machine underwear (we called them 'toilet pants', to distinguish them from diapers/pullups )

Anyway, he was VERY motivated, and got 13 out of 14 days so we went on the shopping trip and he got to pick out the machine underwear. And as a special bonus, we let him put money in the little horse ride they had outside the shop (usually we would let the boys play on it for a few minutes, but without the money). I have very fond memories of that day, it was such a special occasion.

Problem solved.

I don't know if it will be that easy for you, but if you can find something that motivates your DS then I think that is key.

Good luck!!

Me (BS), Him (WH): mid-50's
3 DS: 23, 23, 19
M: 28 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 33
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen

Posts: 6290 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's probably just confused. For the first three years of his life all he hears is "Don't jump on the bed" and "Don't stand on the furniture". Now, your telling him "Here is a chair you can shit in". It's hard to reconcile at that age

Married: 20 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 5499 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We used charts and bribes just to get the habit going and to get the kids to move on to the next step.
M&M'S for one, skittles for another kids, whatever they wanted. And we bought the hugely coveted big kid underwear in the character most desired, put them in view in their bedroom. But they could only wear them as a prize after a week of success.
Kids are not of control of much in their lives except their bodily functions. I decided that in the case of my kids, it's a way to control something. We just gave them control over their treats instead.

It's so frustrating at this stage. Remember, hardly any of them go to prom in pull-ups.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so frustrating at this stage. Remember, hardly any of them go to prom in pull-ups.


BS 42
fWS 38 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Here is a chair you can shit in"

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14446 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 34602
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard that #2 is commonly an issue with boys. I have 3 girls so I can't attest to that. However, the one thing I've learned from being a parent and a teacher, is all kids are different. Some things work with multiple kids but then you meet that one that defies you at every turn. You just have to be consistent with what you say and what you want. DD4 is stubborn...and when I say stubborn, I mean she should be a spy because if she didn't want to give out the secrets, no amount of torture could get her to talk. She will do things when she is damn well ready and not when you tell her to. So she still wears pull ups at night. I tried for 3 weeks in underwear at night but the laundry was ridiculous. And she could care less. When she is ready she will do it. It's her personality plus being more emotionally immature. It will happen.

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 11:13 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

Me: 35
WH: 36 TimeToManUp
Married: 14 years, together 19 years
3 daughters: 12, 8, 5, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)

D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Posts: 1840 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
♀ 39871
Member # 39871
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find the pull up method didn't work with my kids. Because they thought they weir still wearing a diaper. I bought them their favorite action figure under wear. I gave them 50 cents every time they pooped in the toilet and end of the week took them to the store to let them spend their money. Yes bribery lolll. But it did work.

A woman needs a man..Like a fish needs a Bycicle.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Canada
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm, don't you mean start?

Going in the toilet that is!

ETA Bribery DOES work!!!

[This message edited by 5454real at 11:50 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

BH 53, WW 45
DS 25(Mine),SD 24,SS 23(Hers),DS 12 Ours, DGS 6, DGD 2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 5493 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 35973
Member # 35973
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not advocating this but this is what I did. I was 8 months pregnant with DS2 and was still suffering severe morning sickness. I had just gone on maternity leave and with WH working I had to change DS1 nappies (who had just turned 3). I woulld ask him to no 2 on his potty and he point blank said no. I got tired of heaving everytime I had to change his nappy so 2 weeks before DS2 was due I took all nappies away from DS1 and let him run around buck naked. He loved it as it was very, very hot and when he did a no 2 on the floor he had to clean up. I gave him a bucket with warm water, disinfectant and brush and it got to a point where he decided the potty was the better option . He was potty trained in 3 days. DS2 was easy, he decided at age 2 he no longer wanted nappies and preferred underpants and would only wear pull ups at night.

ETA: We had polished wooden floors in all our rooms other than the bathroom and kitchen, so easy for DS1 to clean.

[This message edited by TheTooGoodWife at 12:01 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

M-13 yrs together 15 yrs, 2 DS 11 & 8
D-Day 20 May '12 WH confessed, PA 4 months 06/2008-10/2008 cOW
His A says nothing about me but everything about him

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
♀ 32122
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am struggling with this as well.

With all of the problems I've had training dd I feel like an utter failure. Just a few minutes ago I had an intake interview with a speech program for dd. She asked "is she toilet trained?". Ugh! There began the whole "yes for peeing but her bowels don't function blah blah blah"

Wh and I have really been focusing on getting her to use the toilet. When her bowels back Up she refuses to use the potty at all! It's a nightmare! Doctor wants us to reduce her meds, she gets constipated. Keep her on them and all she does is leak..Ugh!.

DS (now 3) has been training for a while and is in pull ups. No matter how many times we toilet him we find that he ends up pulling the pull up down a bit and peeing his pants (dry pull up but totally soaked pants)...

There's a lot of great ideas here am I think I'll try them.

Good luck with your guy :)

Me: BS 38
WH: 30 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons.
He had an EA with OW1 (coworker) and lots of online dating profiles.
DDay of PA with OW2 (also a co worker) October 19th 2010.
"The A is the wound, the lies are the salt" - Stronger08

Posts: 11292 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chico, it is unlikely that he is pooping before he falls asleep, otherwise his bottom would be very sore. That being said, I would try to get up earlier, and awaken him, and straight to the potty. He may just be a first thing in morning kind of guy, and if he is a slow riser it's a heck of a lot easier to just go in bed. Also has he seen you go in the toilet? That helped our son understand, watching dad do it.

Potty training is different with every kid for sure.
I always heard boys were harder than girls, when it came time to try with my son it was summer in Dallas, so he went naked as much as possible, and then when he started to go i would run him into the bathroom and tell him to go in there. No issues with potty training him.
My DD (now 14) on the other hand.....I thought she was going to be in high school before she had it down. Seriously. This kid had no qualms about peeing herself. Still was having occasional accidents when she started Kg. And to this day, will still wait until she cant possibly wait another second to go, and if someone makes her laugh during that time, look out....LOL.

I wish you luck, and patience.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bribed with Thomas the Train. A full on metal Thomas the Train.

I needed a BIG bribe.

The little bribes didn't work. Literally, the second we got "the business into the pot", I packed the kids up and we RAN to the toy store and picked out a Thomas. I did that 3 times...we were done.

I was lucky, both my kids were easy to potty train. My dd was earlier, but both easy.

me...BS, 46 years old.

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ 12041
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have potty trained my own and maybe 8 different daycare children . Its all about the child and they will decide when its time. I had one just like you are describing. Fully trained for number one but very resistant to training to go poop and would hide to do it. We let it run it's course and one day he didn't like the feeling and that was that.
I agree with the bribery/motivation but most of all make it 100% positive or you are in for a fight you can't win because you don't control the poop .
I know it's frustrating but medical issues aside I have never met a child in all my years that couldn't/wouldn't train so I wouldn't be too concerned yet.
Find his currency and work from there

Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.

Posts: 52151 | Registered: Sep 2006
♀ 28127
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have boy/girl twins. My DD decided at 2 1/2 that she was done with diapers and went into underwear (except at night). I swear she pretty much trained herself and I can't take much credit other than asking if she had to go potty throughout the day.

Her twin brother on the other hand? He was in diapers for another YEAR after his sister. He didn't care if he was wet or sat in his shit. He was totally capable of going #1 and #2 in the toilet when he felt like it but chose not to. There was no rushing that boy. He was finally using the toilet during the day at 3 1/2 yrs old and into underwear.

As far as your DS, I second getting him up before he wakes up and take him to the potty. I bet he goes in his diaper right when he wakes up and before getting out of bed.

Bribing, stickers, and treats are also great too.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 9:47 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We totally bribed my DD with Disney character underwear. If she went for a week with a clean/dry diaper, she got to pick out whatever underwear she wanted. We knew she was ready, but she wanted to be in control, so we found a way for it to be her idea, essentially. That stubborn, independent, in control thing played out in soooo many ways over the years. We just had to learn how to speak her language.

Find his currency and work from there

Brilliantly stated by meta in 7 words. I bet you are an awesome daycare Mom.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5379 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 20742
Member # 20742
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Similar story here. Daughter trained for #1 just fine,somewhere between 2 and 3 years old never had an accident, never used pullups even at night.

But number 2? Forget it. She would go put a pull up on, and poop. Bought a Beauty and the Beast Set and set it on back of toilet for MONTHS, she could have it if she started going on the toilet. MONTHS it took.

In the meantime, she would take her pull up, go in the bathroom, do her business, clean herself up, and dispose of the pull up just fine...all that but she refused to sit on the toilet for number 2!

She's 14 now and just fine, lol.

Married 11/1989
One child, daughter, born 2/99
Affair: EA turned PA for 4 1/2 months.D Day 11/19/07 OW WAS employee/friend.
D Day 2, 4/30/09:OOPS turns out it never ended, I've been in false R for a year and a half.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Aug 2008
Topic Posts: 18

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