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Just a little update...

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juki posted 7/29/2013 08:39 AM

Hello everyone, it's been a while!

In the past couple of months, a lot of things have changed, reversed, and developed.

I think that the last time I posted, I was checking in from the west coast, while I was visiting my sister and family when she was so sick. I am so glad that I got to see her and say goodbye for now (the way I look at it). I'm also glad I was able to be there for my mom during that horrible time for her. My sister died a week after I got home (east coast).

Driving across the country was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was never boring or lonely. It was exhilarating, exactly how I thought it would be. I've wanted to do it for a very long time. On the way back east, I really didn't want to come back, I wanted to keep going, anywhere, but of course I would have run out of money!

I started planning a "working" road trip, and I am in the process of making it happen.

Here is the real reason for my post. On the same day that my sister died, Saz told me that adoption services had found our daughter who we gave up for adoption almost 25 years ago. She lives on the west coast (same city as my mom, and yes, I was blocks from her house!), and she was interested in getting more information from/about us.

That was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. We have had daily contact for over a week. She is pretty much exactly like me, right down to loving solo road trips. She is beautiful, inside and out. Our son lives close to her, is working in a remote area atm, and will meet her in a week. My mom is meeting her today.

My mom was so devastated by my sister's death. She is so happy to be meeting her grand daughter.

I have rerouted my upcoming road trip back to the west coast again! I cannot wait to meet her, but I am enjoying getting to know her from a distance for a while. I think it's good for both of us to ease into.

There are so many coincidences going on that they're becoming almost funny and expected. Her bf has the same name as my son, and looks just like Saz. Wed will literally be 25 years to the day that I found the letters that spelled out what lead to the whole thing happening.

I am quitting smoking on that day. :) It was the day I started smoking.

I have been living in my own apt for a few months.

Saz and I are learning how to be friends. We were/are both so excited to be getting to know her. It's impossible to not share it together on some level.

But as a husband, I have lost so much respect for him and have zero attraction to him. I have compassion because he is a human being, and I know he hurts.

It has been a crazy, sad, exciting, and everything in-between couple of months.

It's nice getting blindsided - by something good!

Thank you SI. I wanted to share because you have helped me so much.

Rainbows posted 7/29/2013 09:28 AM

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of synchronicity and there are a lot of blessings in your life.

It's always great to have pieces of your life come together. What an amazing experience to reconnect with your daughter!

Hope it all continues to fall into place for you.

AFrayedKnot posted 7/29/2013 10:03 AM

I reunited with my birth parents 6 years ago. There were so many emotions in so many different directions. There were too many coincidences to ignore. We have become very close since. I hope your journey will be as positive as mine.

[This message edited by Chicho at 10:04 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

DeadMumWalking posted 7/29/2013 10:05 AM


Thanks for this update, I have been worrying and wondering about how you have been.

Wow, there is so much happening for you now!! I hope things continue to go well, and that you find the peace and happiness that you so richly deserve.


itainteasy posted 7/29/2013 10:17 AM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister.

I'm so happy that you've found your daughter!


juki posted 7/29/2013 11:19 AM

Thank you so much for the kind wishes!

My sister's passing was as peaceful as it could have been, given what she was suffering from. I am still dealing with the reality that she is gone.

Talking and texting my daughter has been surreal, terrifying, and so unbelievably awesome.

My son was born in the year of the rabbit and his ring tone on my phone is White Rabbit. I have been wondering what song I would use for my daughter.

The other day, I really liked a song she introduced me to. So today she told me to look up a band called Little Dragons. I have always thought of her as a baby dragon, as she was born in the year of the dragon.

I guess I found her ringtone.

There are a lot of exciting things happening, heavy feelings lifting, things getting resolved, and it just feels really good.

StrongerOne posted 7/29/2013 13:24 PM

So very sorry about your sister, Juki, and about Saz too.

And so happy to hear that some of the heavy weight is lifting. So awesome that you have found your DD and that she reached out to you. Such a gift for both you and for her, such a blessing.

gonnabe2016 posted 7/29/2013 16:35 PM

Juki. You found your daughter!!!!!
That is incredible and I am so happy for both you and Saz.
Amazing and heart-lifting.

I am also glad that you had the chance to see your sister and be there for your mom.

Take it easy with sounds as if you've had a lot of really big emotional things happening in a very short span of time.

juki posted 7/29/2013 20:50 PM

I know Gonna! We just spoke on the phone again today. She is a kook like me.

She spent 3 hours with my mom today, looking at photos and telling stories. They both said that they felt like they bonded instantly, like they had already known each other. She's a chef and my mom is an amazing cook so they had food in common instantly.

I am giving myself lots of time to feel and process everything. I feel lighter every day.

I kind of journal through facebook messenger every morning, writing things that occur to me that I think she might want to know, or answering questions that she has asked. She calls them my novels, and keeps telling me to keep them coming.

And then we text a few times per day and talk on the phone every couple days.

It was terrifying at first, wanting to contact her all the time, not wanting to scare her away, and being almost paralyzed with fear of doing the wrong thing.

We've kind of settled into a bit of a routine that seems to be working for both of us.

Her and our son are also texting while he's in the bush. I can't wait until they meet next week. They look like twins.

Her mom and I are msging a bit too.

cayc posted 7/29/2013 21:18 PM

This is just heart warming to hear, on so many levels. Happy & sad & bittersweet & hopeful & life affirming. Thank you so much for letting us all know how you are & what's been happening. I sense "unstuck-ness" and healing & that sounds awesome!


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