The email BS sent was a forward from OW#2. I have been married for 5 years (my second) and have being having an affair with OW#2 for 5 months. She knew I was married.
My wife has discovered my affair with OW#2, compromising photos and emails. OW#2 was pissed off when she found out about MOW#1. She is my colleague. This is just sex. Has been going on for 2 years. How can OW#2 feel betrayed by OW#1? We were screwing around on my wife so what the hell is her complaint? She did this to get back at me or to hurt my BS.
When I think of it now, I don't love either of the OW. I can't believe what I have done. I just want time to stand still.
What do I tell my wife when she gets home. We have no children and I don't want to lose her. There have been ONS too. I used an Internet site to hook up with 4 women over the last 2 years.
My wife is the most fantastic woman. I love her! She does travel but I don't think she has ever even thought of another man. She is loving and faithful and I have been an arsehole!!!
Do I tell her? Everything? If I do she will leave me.
What a mess. Please help me!
Sounds like you have a lot of digging to do. If your wife is the most fantastic woman ever, why are you cheating on her with 6 (if I counted right) OW?
Get it over with and tell everything. Lying and minimizing will kill whatever is left of your marriage as surely as the affairs. If you love her, do the right thing.
The waywards here are wise people. If you're willing to take a hard look at yourself and your shit, they will help you. Welcome.
You must be completely honest with your wife, nothing else will even come close to working. You must expose everything, the longer you drag this out (trickle truth)the more you are going to hurt her, the less likely your going to be able to save your marriage. This isn't about you anymore this about helping her.
Have you consider yet that you may be a sex addict? I would make an appointment to see a individual councillor, and start digging at yourself to see why you have allowed yourself to make these choices.
This is a long and hard journey friend, so do the work and fix yourself, not for her, but for a better you.
Fix yourself and the rest will follow.
Good luck, and don't give up. There is always a chance as long as your completely honest.
I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid. I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
if your wife is the most fantastic woman ever, why are you cheating on her with 6 (if I counted right) OW?
Unforgivable, now is the time for truth, now is when you be the MAN you promised her. The damage is already done, what's left is holding yourself accountable for it.
Are you man enough to hold your own feet to the fire?
Really, that the OW told your wife was a gift. Living a lie is a terrible way to live.
Now you can knock down the barriers to emotional intimacy that secrets and lies build and--if your wife agrees to R-- work on having a genuine marriage.
[This message edited by solus sto at 9:28 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
OW #2 knew I was married. What does not make sense was she was ok cheating on my wife, but when OW#1 was discovered, OW#2 hurts my wife. Makes no sense.
I am afraid to tell my BS the full truth. It scares me to death that she will leave me.
Thank you for the responses- will check out the library.
I think one of the most important things for you to read is this:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=324250
"Things that every WS needs to know"
OW#2 hurts my wife.
Kind of the same scenario on how I found out about my FWH was cheating. The OW told me.
FWH was very angry at OW for hurting me, but the truth is, he is the one who hurt me. FWH thought "What I don't know won't hurt me!" and I am imagining that was/is your attitude, too.
Accept full responsibility for what you did. Accept the full responsibility that you are the one that hurt your BW.
I know you are scared, but the best thing you can do now is be completely honest with your BW. Don't minimize, don't leave things out. Full disclosure.
Yes, definitely read "Things Every WS needs to know...." it was one of the best things that my FWH read and put into action that helped me as a BW.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Start here.
And until your actions regarding "My wife is the most fantastic woman. I love her!" match your words, you are (imho) in a special state of self-centered, delusional, and grandiose limbo...with the guy staring back at you in the mirror as the beginning, middle, and end of every single problem and outcome your life is about to experience.
Lots of great stuff here for you if you feel like sticking around, getting real, and deciding who it is you want staring back at you in the mirror first thing every morning. It ain't fun, and it ain't pretty. And I haven't read about any shortcuts, either.
Welcome to the clubhouse.
Please, be totally honest with yourself, and then go be totally honest with your wife. You both deserve it.
It makes perfect sense. Just like you're stunned someone that agreed to be complicit with you hurting you're wife then...hurt your wife. That makes no sense either. Which, in this cluster fuck, makes perfect sense as well.
Recap. No one is fucking thinking about your wife here.
You're terrified she'll leave you? Why? What did you honestly think was going to happen? Now THAT actually makes no sense.
You knew with each choice you made exactly what you were doing. Exactly. Affairs end marriages. They were designed to end marriages.
Why did you feel it was ok to make these choices?
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
and be ready to hand it all over to your wife.
Give her the 100% truth NOW. Don't do it in doses. Don't withold anything to "protect" her. That only hurts more. She WILL find out if you lie to her.
It's like a band aid, Unforgivable, you have to RIP that off.
You have lied to her for a long time. Give her the gift of the truth, and she might give you the gift of Reconciliation.
Lies at this point will only kill what's left of your marriage, and of her heart.
How did your first marriage end? Were you unfaithful to your first wife?
WHY were you unfaithful? Get your self into counseling.
You cannot control the outcome, here. Your wife has the right to decide if she wants to continue the marriage. You have to face the consequences of your actions.
Be truthful. Be honest. Show remorse, but only if you truly feel it. Faked remorse hurts, too.
Be honest, be 100% honest, be forthcoming, volunteer the information, DO NOT SUGAR COAT ANYTHING thinking it will help, it will only hurt. Please beleive me. And good luck to you both, you've just got on the longest and hardest and most painful road of your life.
[This message edited by OldCow18 at 11:04 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
Hope it helps
This is a trauma.
I would also show her the books you are reading: How to Heal your Spouse Heal from Your Affair would be one and the number of the therapist you will be seeing.
This is a blessing that your wife found out and altho this might be a deal breaker for her even if she leaves you, please do the work on yourself to figure out why you have been choosing this behavior.
Finally, you may want to direct your wife to SI. She is going to need support, a safe place to vent and learn from.
Good luck. LA
One of the first questions your wife is going to ask you is: "Why?". This also happens to be one of the most important questions that we continually have to ask ourselves as we dig deep and try to figure out why we were willing to destroy our spouses, and destroy ourselves over something so meaningless as "This is just sex.", as you put it.
Hang in there, speak the truth, and be prepared for a long ride. You have a lot of work ahead of you, and joining this web site was a good first step.
OW #2 knew I was married. What does not make sense was she was ok cheating on my wife, but when OW#1 was discovered, OW#2 hurts my wife. Makes no sense
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 11:28 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
We separated for 10 months after I discovered OW#4 (who I thought was #2). At 7 months out, we started dating again. At 9 months out, he was spending the occassional night with me again. I asked him point-blank if there were others. He looked me in the eyes and said "Absolutely Not".
So, how surprised do you think I was when I found out 2 months after he moved home that there were actually 2 more? AND THEN to find out 3 months after that that he was also "in lurve" with one of those 2, not just a ONS as he had said before?
Trickle truth, lying, withholding the truth to save the BS from more hurt. It's all the same. It all destroys the possibility of having a true marriage.
Tell her everything. Write out the timeline as already suggested. Be prepared to eat lots of humble pie. It's time to start caring about her feelings by giving her the truth up front. She deserves to have full disclosure so she can make an informed decision about how she wants to proceed.
She will be devastated. No doubt. Afterwards, she may kick you out. She may want to save the marriage. But no matter what happens, she deserves the truth.
[This message edited by TXBW68 at 11:50 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
