FWIW, I was told by Perv that I should go to some bars and pick up some dates because my self esteem was in the trash.
But I don't get ego boosts from other people, in that way, so in stronger times, I snicker at that idea.
One thing that really helped me and I don't know if it will help you or anyone here, is to keep up with my realizations about him and the world. When I let myself admit to some of the problems and struggles, I see two very different people and he had changed into someone I didn't know, while I hung on to the "him" of the past.
It was also the "him" of my dreams, but in actuality, the real person only shared a building with me...he had moved on in his mind, had sold his soul and given away his heart, so that all that's left is kind of a hollow shell.
Flip-flopping also happened to me, but now, he's said and done so many more hurtful things, that there's just no way. The hurtful things are still going on.
I was thinking of your first post. I, too, initiated divorce, but part of it was to show that I have pride, respect and a back bone. It sounds like you do, too, but as we see the person who hurt us change, it's hard to rememember to also protect ourself.
Would you really want to put all your marbles back in the jar, knowing the kind of deceit she is capable of?
Though I am having trouble getitng my heart to let go, my mind is slowly but surely shutting the door.
And don't things we think are shiny always look and feel unatainable? I'm thinking of going shopping and seeing something expensive in a store window, and maybe I have one at home, so why do I need that new one?
I'm getting really long (that's not new!) but also, one last thing, is to say that at least you are aware of what your WW is like and "new guy" isn't. This is my comfort when I think of Perv and OW and helps me realize or think that I know what I'm missing and she's a fool.
And in your first post, you talked about FOO issues, so if she still has them and if you do too, then it's my abstract thought that things may not be better or different if the issues aren't fixed or made aware of?