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Newest Member: YoungNInLove (61865)

User Topic: I reminded WH to find a lawyer
♀ 39728
Member # 39728
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very serious about getting out of this M and I reminded WH that he needs to find a lawyer. I really hope he takes the steps needed. In our situation he will need representation.
Dday for me was almost 5 wks ago and I've suffered such emotional distress and verbal abuse ever since. I'm sick and tired of the blameshifting. For me and for our children we need to end this ridiculous charade.
I told WH I want to move on with my life. I actually did try to R but then he hurled abuses at me so I gave that up quickly.
Thanks for being here everyone.

Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who cares if he had a lawyer or not. This isn't your problem. Get yourself a lawyer and file. If he wants representation, it's up to him to get it. My STBX never got an attorney because he's a dumbass. I did and an coming out MUCH better in the divorce settlement. Oh, well.

I'm sorry you've had to join this club, but you sound very strong and are taking the steps needed to protect yourself and your children. You just need to stop worrying about him.

Lots of hugs to you.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1270 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 36060
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally not your problem. Not one little bit. You are taking care of you and your kids now. He's a grown man. Let him make his own decisions. The consequences are his, and his alone.

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 751 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
♀ 32847
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very gently, why are you reminding him of anything? He fired you from that job, remember? It makes absolutely no difference to YOUR case whether he has a lawyer or not. That's his problem. Concentrate on what's best for you and your kids.

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 36579
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not your job to remind him of things and help him get himself organised.

Focus on just yourself and your kiddos now. Good luck!

Me 47
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 185 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Grace and Flowers
♀ 34431
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot has happened for you in only 5 weeks.

But the others are right. It is hard to stop being the one who "organizes" and "reminds", but you must. You really don't need to remind him of anything.

My WXH did not get a lawyer. A dumb decision, I thought, but SO not my problem.

Take care of yourself and your kids. Don't worry about what he does or does not do.


[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 12:08 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]

"Absence makes the clarity grow stronger" - cantaccept

"A good man with good intentions has no reason to lie" - somer222

Posts: 1398 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
♀ 39801
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And can file without him having a lawyer. Just do your thang and full steam ahead.
If he doesn't get a lawyer, more the fool him.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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