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O.L.D. In town for business.....wants to go on a date..Red flag?

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She11ybeanz posted 7/29/2013 09:52 AM

So...there is a guy on the O.L.D site that I would definitely be interested in if he lived near me but he is about 4 hours away in Washington D.C....

He is here on business this week until Weds (according to his email) but said that maybe we could get together Weds night...??

I'm not sure about this one. It could be harmless but is it worth a try? Or not?

I would hate to have to go pepper-spray-ninja-redhead on his ass if he thinks he is getting a last minute out of town booty call.... NOT HAPPENING...

Thoughts please....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:53 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

Amazonia posted 7/29/2013 09:55 AM

Setting aside the red flags about married men who date while on business trips, would you be interested in a long distance relationship? Would it be remotely feasible or desirable with your toddler, schedule, finances, etc.?

If you just want a fun date, sure, why not go? But if you are looking for a relationship, you should weigh whether you'd be interested in even bothering to get to know someone (anyone, not just this guy) who lives 4 hours away.

She11ybeanz posted 7/29/2013 10:05 AM

Very true.... I certainly can't come visit him on a whim..... and I absolutely DESPISE long distance relationships. I've done it before and I hated it. I guess that's my answer in of itself!

Amazonia posted 7/29/2013 10:37 AM

I'm taking a course in project management right now, and one of the concepts that the professor focuses on frequently is called a "done statement". For a project, the done statement tells you when you have arrived at the end of the project. It also directs the work being done: if a task does not directly help to advance the project toward the done statement, that task is not included in the project.

OLD isn't exactly a project, but I think it's relevant to recognize your done statement (I have gotten the impression that for you it's an equality based relationship with someone to whom you are attracted both mentally and physically and who fits into your lifestyle) - and then only include "tasks" (i.e. communication, dates, etc.) that will or have the potential to move you toward your done statement.

This guy doesn't have the potential to do that. The smoker runner guy you kissed doesn't have the potential to do that. The poofer did. It's a simple way to filter - does he have the potential to move you to where you want to be, or not?

better4me posted 7/29/2013 10:52 AM

^^^Love this concept AMA^^^thanks to you (and to your professor!)

She11ybeanz posted 7/29/2013 11:47 AM

Very true Ama! Very very true....

Stupid POOFER!!!

cmego posted 7/29/2013 12:06 PM

Right or wrong...when I get those type emails "I'm in town for business...I'll take you wherever you want to go for dinner!", I ignore.

My assumption is they are married.

Ama uses a very good analogy...keep your eyes on "the prize". The relationship you want.

EvenKeel posted 7/29/2013 12:32 PM

I have gotten a few of these too. I always think "whattaheck?". I am not located in an area where your average person would be 'coming into town for work".

Their messages are always like "Thought it would be fun to be shown around by someone who is familar with the area..."

Ummm - Nope, I am not a tour guide.

She11ybeanz posted 7/29/2013 12:34 PM

Ummm - Nope, I am not a tour guide.

They want a tour alright... but I'll bet its not your town they have in mind....

idkam posted 7/29/2013 13:56 PM

Ama- love your analogy of the 'done statement"...

ShellyB- gurl you know its a booty call...

GabyBaby posted 7/29/2013 14:01 PM

and I absolutely DESPISE long distance relationships. I've done it before and I hated it.

Do you have a specific range (location) listed on your profile? If so, I'd consider that a boundary of sorts.
Just because someone asks you out, doesn't mean you have to give it any serious consideration- ESPECIALLY if it already crosses your "boundaries" (ie location, smoking, etc).

You know what you need to do.

She11ybeanz posted 7/29/2013 14:13 PM

Yeah....like I've said before.....I should probably get my 10 cats now and call it a day!

I'm so close to taking a break from this online dating crap.... people I'm interested in aren't interested in me and vice versa.... dating is just too dang complicated. ICK!

I.will.survive posted 7/30/2013 05:59 AM

You need to weed these people out!

Yes, it's a booty call/red flag whatever you label it.

Don't respond or give thought to the men who don't fit STRICTLY into your wants and needs.

You are not going to settle. You don't have time for that! Your free time is limited. Make your dates count.

Remember, these men don't know you at all. They are throwing a wide net and hoping to reel something in. Be picky.

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