So, if I were you, I would consider his "dirty" talk a bridge to the next step. Get in MC now and work this out before he takes it to the next level. This behavior shows that he has jumped from your ship already. Sexting, IMO, IS CHEATING. Get help before you have to imagine them dry humping in their offices several days a week like I do.
Secondly, if they were spending every waking moment sexting and flirting with each other, would he honestly have you believe that they got together to just sit and drink coffee and have pie 3 times, and on the 4th time it accidentally went too far??? Seriously???? He's such a story-teller.
I think it's real safe to assume that you haven't gotten the truth. You've only been given a nugget, and thats' only because you probably had to force it out of him.
I think it's ALSO safe to say that you can bet the farm that your husband has already gotten his story straight with the OW should you come a'callin' looking for the truth. More than likely, she's already been rehearsed by him and you won't get the truth you'rse seeking.
I just don't see the OW as a VIABLE source of the truth because her loyalties lie with your husband, not you.
You feel you haven't been given the whole truth and sadly, you're more than likely right. If you wantat least something a lot closer to the truth, consider a Polygraph test.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
You know the one time happened. You know in your heart the other three probably did too. Contacting the OW will help your feeling of "getting the whole story", but it may just break you further.
I actually called the other man the night of Dday... it didn't help. They will lie to you as well and just create more questions you obsess over.
Pray for Strength.
Your husband has a history of infidelity. "It got out of control just once" is very, very likely untrue.
But do you think the woman he cheated with---who conspired with him, against your marriage--is someone whose word you can trust? Of course not.
When you have a remorseful husband willing to do whatever it takes to really HEAL the damage done, rather than rugsweep, you will learn the truth.
Some of us never do. In that case, we have some difficult questions to ask ourselves--like: do we want to stay in a marriage with a person willing to protect his secrets and lies at our expense?
There is NO way to have the emotional intimacy necessary for a healthy marriage as long as there is a barrier of lies.
But your husband is the one who needs to offer you the truth. It's part of what is needed for reconciliation.
Is he being transparent? Do you have full access to all of his accounts and cell..passwords included?
Is he answering all of your questions without blame and anger?
Is he going to IC to figure out why he did this?
Did he write a NC email to OW..one you approved of and sent?
Has he been tested for STD's?
Is he being supportive of your pain and emotions?
Is he accountable for his time away from you?
Cheaters lie and minimize. And lie..and lie.
Watching a movie and reading a book is a good start..but what is he DOING? What are his actions?