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Newest Member: EllaE21 (60723)

User Topic: How to trust?
♂ 40001
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because of WS's A I am having a hard time trusting even after two years. I try and resist looking at our phone records or her emails or texts but every once in awhile I look. It started after the A and I caught her three times contacting him but I have not caught her in last 1.5 years and she swears no contact. Each time I check I feel like a creep. I never invaded her privacy before the A but now have found myself to be a creepy little sneak. I don't like the feeling, its if the A changed me in a way I don't like. I want to return to days of trust. How do I do that?

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
♀ 29912
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trust takes time... there is nothing wrong with checking up on him... as time passes you will find yourself checking less and less as he builds trust in your trust account... stop worrying so much about if you should check- don't feel bad or guilty... it is essential for you rebuilding and he should understand it.

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
♀ 37184
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Hurt

I'm afraid you cant return to the days of 100% trust in your wife.

I'm sorry, I dont mean to be mean, just honest.

Her affair has changed you, changed you fundementally as a person.

1.5 years is really not a long time after no contact was broken to feel safe and secure again. At least it wouldnt for me.

I dont think its wrong of you to check once in a while. it is what it is now. It is a very natural instinct for someone like has who has experienced such a trauma at the hands of those who promised to love and protect us.

Please, you are not a creepy sneak.

If your wife is 100% committed to your r, your trust will slowly grow more.

You cant rush it, I'm afraid.

Dont beat yourself up, you would truly be remiss if you didnt check up once in a while.


Posts: 951 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi hurtincolorado,
I could have written your post word for word. Am dealing with the same issues---see my thread in R "WH caught me checking up on him"
wishing you good luck

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 27+ years/Together 28+ years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

Posts: 2453 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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