She needs some serious counseling and needs to explore her issues - that is if you are willing to stick around to help her... not sure I could if she is already telling me these things and has yet to do all the hard work to help you heal.
How dare she tell you if you don't shower her with attention 24/7 she will betray you again.
Why are you still with her? What are you getting out of this marriage?
Oh..and Im pretty sure "give your wife a ton of attention or she will turn into a whore" was NOT in those wedding vows...
....however...
There IS such a thing as vowing to be faithful in those vows..you should remind her about that and see what she has to say.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife "Regret is when you realize you broke your own heart. Remorse is when you realize you broke someone else's." - Bla
Your WW is not remorseful. She is blaming you for her choice of having an affair. (You made her because you didn't pay attention to her! )
Yes, it is lunacy, ceilingwalker. Don't get sucked into it.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
As long as she thinks like this, you will never be able to reconcile or make your relationship work in the long run.
My H was also a 'self-entitled' thinker and had the freaking audacity to tell me he was entitled to commit adultery because he worked!!!! Uh, yeah WTF, most people do! I just stared at him in disbelief and said "well I was working TWO jobs and I never knew I was entitled to anything more than a paycheck for my services". He STFU and never said that again!
The attention is an excuse. Please see her statement for what it is. It is a declaration of her intentions to have an A whenever she pleases.
(((ceilingwalker)))
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
NOT, um, until I feel like YOU aren't focusing all your attention on ME and fulfilling all MY needs.
She needs to own her shit and her terrible coping mechanisms. If she wants out, she should just say so. She's saying she will just lie and manipulate you again???
Dude, run. You CANNOT reconcile with that. Perhaps she will pull her head out of her ass after you put your foot down; but for now, stand tall and proud and kick that unremorseful narc to the curb..
When we were married you made a vow to give me all the attention I need, so when you don't, I have the right to find someone else that will
What kind of vow is that?
Where was that written?
Run. Run far and run fast away from her.
Your WW is a sad example of how our educational system has failed. Because clearly she has never learned how to think.
To answer your first question, my DDay was 2-1/2 years ago. MCOW got a job elsewhere a bit over a year ago and we have not heard a peep from her since. If that counts as long term, then yes, you can patch it up and have it work. I don't think you can have it be the same, though. I doubt I will ever trust him the way I did before. I love him, but I've lost some respect for him, and I have a pretty hard nosed understanding of his weaknesses. I no longer expect the best -- which is pretty sad, especially for him.
[This message edited by StrongerOne at 1:20 PM, July 29th (Monday)]
I agree with the other posters - I've never heard of the "I promise to give you all the attention you need" vow. As someone facing the very real possibility of divorce (an end which I do not want), I feel like I should be the last person to tell you to walk away. But when our WS's start making stupid excuses for their affairs, it might be time to rethink your relationship's path.
married 2y, together 2.5y 1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
Every time I have asked FWH if he thinks he would ever do this again I get a resounding, loud NO! And then he looks pitiful for a few minutes and reminds me of all the work he has done and how he would never every want to put me through this again. That is the only acceptable answer!
She's telling you who she is...and that person is crazy.
Me- BW, 30 Him- fWh, 36 Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
Madhatters. More Ddays than birthdays, at this point.
(NOTE I am NOT condoning infidelity; if you're done with the M get out before even thinking about a potential future partner. BUT... saying something like that to her could be a wake-up call. Ironically, cheaters don't seem to like the idea of being cheated on. )
Are you implementing the 180? I think you should be. It doesn't sound like there's anything left to save here, other than your dignity, self-respect, and financial prospects. I'm sorry. :(
