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Rebreather posted 7/29/2013 12:07 PM

I don't know if this is going to be remotely helpful, but we get so many questions about how long this healing process is going to take, that I thought I would share something.

I'm 6 years out. Next week is the 6th anniversary of the second dday when I found the affair phone hidden in our garage under a pile of gassy rags. I don't remember the date. Which I think is good.

But last week I took my 17 year old daughter to a concert. First of all, how awesome is it that I have a teen daughter willing to be seen in public with me? Anyway, the concert was at a new venue we discovered. It is three hours away, but only a few miles from where the OW lived during the affair. I have never gone there. I am far enough out that I can just say, "fuck it" and buy tickets with nothing more than a minor twinge.

On the way there, I did Google map her address (burned into my memory). I drove about a mile from where my husband betrayed me for the first time. I started to get angry but said to myself, "really? fuck her and fuck that." I texted my FWH later and asked a couple questions. He answered. He apologized for me having to ask questions like that.

Yesterday we were discussing our ability to give my parents some financial help. Maybe letting them live with us for a bit, if needed. They lived with us 6 years ago for two months. My spouse said, "I don't remember any problems. I don't really even remember them being here." I said, "uh yeah, you weren't here all that much back then, remember?" It was right in the thick of his affair. He just looked at me and said, "yeah. right. that guy was an asshole." And we moved on to other topics.

The affair just "is". It happened. It is this thing. If you poke it really hard, it hurts. But day to day, it is virtually irrelevant in my life. It just isn't worth my time. I know you probably don't want to think that it will take you 6 years. But you are going to be six years out regardless, eventually. It will be there with you, but I hope it won't be more than a teeny blip by then.

kiki1 posted 7/29/2013 12:11 PM

Thank you Rebreather

((()))

libertyrocks posted 7/29/2013 12:18 PM

You're so awesome for posting this, Rebreather!! :) Made my day, actually. Funny, made me lol, and thought how cool you are taking your daughter to a concert. I love the matter-of-fact attitude you now have regarding OW.

Sometimes, when I'm strong, I think to myself, "What the eff am I going to do, it wasn't my fault he cheated." That thinking always helps me get through the day.

My H says, the same, he's not that guy anymore. It's comforting to hear them realize that.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 12:18 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

wincing_at_light posted 7/29/2013 12:18 PM

I had this terrible fear that you were going to post the lyrics to a Bette Midler song, and then I wasn't ever going to be able to talk to you again.

ETA: Wind. Wings. You.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 12:19 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Rebreather posted 7/29/2013 12:22 PM

You know WAL, some say love, it is a river. But it's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.

PinkJeepLady posted 7/29/2013 12:22 PM

Thank you for sharing, it was exactly what I needed to hear!
So glad to hear you are going on with your life, what a cool mom you are!!
I appreciated hearing your H's responses too, good for him!
Take care

PeaceLove187 posted 7/29/2013 12:29 PM

What a great post. And it really is true that, with any luck in reconciliation, there will come a day when you barely think of the A and can once again trust your spouse (mostly). Years after my H's 1st A I had actually forgotten the name of his AP. The fact that my H repeated his A behavior is more a reflection of his flaws than it is the human heart's ability to heal.

Thanks for sharing, Rebreather.

Kelany posted 7/29/2013 12:38 PM

I still have your post about a couple of your posts saved ya know?

This is awesome to hear.

We took the middle to see FUN. law weekend. Loved it.

FeelingSoMuch posted 7/29/2013 12:46 PM

Thank you. Your post is helpful to me.

DWBH posted 7/29/2013 13:06 PM

Awesome post, thanks for sharing!

wert posted 7/29/2013 13:10 PM

It just isn't worth my time.

This. The best part is that my W still is worth my time...it's the A that is not. At this point its a bigger deal for her. She is the one that is still struggling with IC and I feel for her...

take care...

bionicgal posted 7/29/2013 14:23 PM

thanks for your positive story.
Namaste.

Skan posted 7/29/2013 18:41 PM

Gods below, thanks a lot. I am SO looking forward to being able to make a post like this.

AFrayedKnot posted 7/29/2013 19:26 PM

painpaingoaway posted 7/29/2013 19:31 PM

I had this terrible fear that you were going to post the lyrics to a Bette Midler song, and then I wasn't ever going to be able to talk to you again.
Hey, I couldn't help myself, I saw the topic title, and immediately started singing the song.

LosferWords posted 7/29/2013 19:42 PM

jjsr posted 7/29/2013 21:10 PM

Great post

RippedSoul posted 7/30/2013 01:32 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I think my time on this site should be spent focusing on the good news. Wallowing in the bad is what is easiest right now. Anticipating the best, though, is so much more uplifting and hopeful.

OnAnIsland posted 7/30/2013 01:50 AM

Thanks rebreather. I always appreciate your candor and thanks for sharing. Your H responses and your ownership of your life are great!

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