His opening it anytime you ask isn't transparency. He can make sure he deletes everything as it comes in/goes out. And he and OW can have some kind of code set up so he knows it's her..but no one else would.
He had an agreement with you..to be faithful..when he married you. He broke that contract...but now...suddenly he has an attack of ethics..now?
[This message edited by confused615 at 12:22 PM, July 29th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
If he is opening it and allowing you to look at everything, literally whenever you want, then that may be a good compromise around the lack of password.
However, his confidentiality agreement with his company might literally state he can't give out his email password, but the spirit of the idea is that he is not supposed to give access of information/intellectual property to a potential competitor or anyone who might give it to a competitor.
I think he is going overboard a bit, unless you actually work for a competitor. Seriously, is there anything work wise you really shouldn't see? Does he work for the Secret Service or something?
How is he treating you otherwise? Transparent with his phone? With other passwords?
And, the supposed confidentiality agreement is still being broken if he is sitting there with you.
OTOH, I don't know how he would be able to hide stuff if he lets you see it at any given time. Unless he has hidden folders and doesn't want you exploring on your own.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I'd not be ok with this.
I'd see it as a red flag.
He can clean it up prior to coming home and then open it so you look all you want.
[This message edited by soconfusednow at 12:39 PM, July 29th (Monday)]
He is worried you will contact OW? Why? Is he protecting her? Does he work with her?
If DH is using it to do anything he's not supposed to, i will never know.
I am not sure what kind of job your WS has, but unless there's like Social Security numbers, or other information that has a privacy issue to it, then he should allow you into it.
Even if he is, I would think that a meeting with his superior might get you access...since he's using work email for personal correspondence. Don't know if you want to go that route.
And you can certainly have him show you the written down policy that says "do not share your email with anyone." If he "can't find it" written down anywhere, you know he's full of bullsh&&. (Well, you already knew that! FULLER of bullsh$$ )
However if you both are working toward R, and your demands are such, then he needs to think long and hard about what is more important. To even get to my work related programs, and emails is long process wich requires entering login and passwords at least 4 times prior to entry.
Plus it is an outlook based system, which means any administrators have access to any and all content within those emails. It would be foolish to use a work email to carry on an A.
I would be concerned that he is hiding something though. I would be tempted to put a keylogger on his computer if it is not owned by the company he works for.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
Can you see it literally whenever you want, when he isn't home? Will he let you manage the keyboard and mouse only to type the password in himself? Does he use the same machine at home as abroad or his office?
I have heard people try to use this argument about confidentiality while their company hosted email on google. FFS if it's so confidential an employee spouse can't see it then it shouldn't be at home to begin with.
I can't look at the medical records my wife deals with but I have no doubt she'd give me her password to her work email immediately if I asked for it, because she understands why I want it, and it isn't out of malicious intent. I have rarely seen companies diligent enough to crack down on people writing their passwords down and storing them in desks (how realistic hackers would look in a movie: Instead of spending days writing a script that will fail to brute force an AES encrypted password, check the fucking desk drawer, try subbing a zero for an o and append the word llama to the persons birth month, it will crack 90% of your corporate password problems; unless you're in my office, in which case if you intend to open my desk drawer bring eyewash and have 911 on speed dial, also the ascii penis scribbled on notebook paper and taped to the bottom of the drawer isn't a password, I just think it looks funny), I can't imagine a company going into a frenzy because their crack IT team discovered one of their reps had shared his email password with his wife.
<the sound of klaxons blare through the hardened Corporate Operations Center (thats a dick joke btw) and a giant Thunderbird icon with a slash through it appears on the megascreen on the wall>
IT Bob: IT DYLAN, DO YOU HEAR THAT ALARM?
IT Dylan: INDEED, IT BOB, I SEE THE EMAIL ALARM HAS BEEN TRIGGERED. SHALL WE ACTIVATE REMOTECAM?
IT Bob: YES, AND WE NEVER ABUSE THAT TO WATCH PEOPLE WHO LEAVE THEIR LAPTOPS OPEN AT HOME WITH THE CAMERA UNTHINKINGLY POINTED AT THE BED.
IT Dylan: WHAT?
IT Bob: I MEAN YES, LET US SEE WHO HAS PERPETRATED THIS UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS!
IT Dylan: BOB WHAT THE FUCK MAN WE TALKED ABOUT THIS-
IT Bob: HOLD! WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES TO DEAL WITH! THE WIFE OF THE VP OF SPROCKET WRANGLING IS VIEWING HIS EMAIL! SHE WILL DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF SPROCKET HANDLING!
IT Dylan: I REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT WITH THE LAPTOP CAMERA THING-
IT Bob: ACTIVATE SECURITY COUNTERMEASURES AND FIRE THE VP OF SPROCKET WRANGLING!
I dunno, just doesn't seem likely to me.
A cheating spouse can have an almost limitless number of email accounts and other ways to cheat. I think it is possible that having access to his company email would be nothing more than a false sense of security.
Agreed. If he gave you the password, then he knows that email isn't safe (if he's smart that is). He would create a secret one.
Although, I must admit, it would definitely make my eyes open a little bit wider. If you can't get the password, then just put this incident in the file of 'questionables' and keep looking for any other red flags.
Kinda like if the Jetson's had spies, huh?
So he will honor his word to his company, but not his marriage vows with you?
Also, by allowing you to view/look through his account he is already violating policy. He just wants to maintain control.
I'd be more upset at the fact that he would refuse to give me access more than I would be suspicious of what's there. That refusal says "I will only do what is comfortable for me", and screw your feelings.
Stillgoing - that was too funny!