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Regretswhatidid posted 7/29/2013 14:37 PM

We are almost 11 months into this. I still find myself unable to share freely with my wife. I completed my first step with SAA a couple weeks ago, instead of coming home and sharing it with her after the meeting I waited several days to tell her. I want to desperatly to tear down the walls that allow to keep stuff like from her.

StillGoing posted 7/29/2013 14:55 PM

What are the walls made out of?

painpaingoaway posted 7/29/2013 15:20 PM

Is it that you are afraid of what her reaction to your sharing might be?

Skan posted 7/29/2013 21:52 PM

Do please keep asking yourself WHY until you can figure out why you feel you can't share with your BW. My FWHs inability to share with me and initiate a conversation about his whys are slowly driving another wedge between us. Please don't be us in this matter.

Regretswhatidid posted 7/30/2013 06:53 AM

I'm not afraid of her reaction. When I do share, her reaction is not negative at all.

JustWow posted 7/30/2013 07:19 AM

I'm gonna hypothesize - throw this aay if it does not apply.

SA is primarily an intimacy disorder, an EMOTIONAL intimacy disorder. The sexual acting out is most often a poor self-medicating coping mechanism for the emotional isolation - which is often a result of family of origin (FOO) stuff.

So in the 12 step groups, you work on controlling and getting sobriety from the symptoms (the sexual acting out), sometimes it takes a good IC (CSAT in most cases) to heal the emotional trauma that is the cause of the symptom, and to work on building genuine emotional intimacy.

It is a long road, but it can be traveled successfully.

bytheboard posted 8/12/2013 12:30 PM

My husband just told me about this post and we have agreed that it is alright to read/respond to each other. I am thankful you are reaching out and seeking help. I hope that we can both gain tools to build intimacy and trust.

What Skan said really hits home:

My FWHs inability to share with me and initiate a conversation about his whys are slowly driving another wedge between us

This is one of our hugest obstacles in R. I feel like I need you to share your process and insights... Your whys and how's in order to feel some level of safety. It hurts that we are both so frustrated in meeting this goal/ making this reality. Can you think of any ways that I can make this easier or feel safer for you?

Can anyone who has experienced this share what has worked and what has not. All of my appreciation in advance...

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