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How do you get over the age of the OW? (23)

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ILINIA posted 7/29/2013 15:09 PM

I somehow need to let this go. My WH is 40 the OW is 23.

I did meet her after the A. Oddly, I thought I would be jealous about her physical attributes, but I wasn't. I was actually underwhelmed both with her looks and her personality. I sure it isn't a surprised, but she came off as smug with no remorse, just a "sorry, it was dumb" response. She is 23 and had no clue or care in the world how this was going to impact anyone, she was more concerned that no one at work knew, because "I like my job, I'm good at it, and I am not leaving." (which is going to be a future post)

Now it with that being said, I cannot shake the feeling that my WH is "that creepy guy" & a "dirty old man". I am a HS teacher and I have students who I see all the time that are 23. I have been trying to get this through to WH about how DISGUSTING this is to me. I point out things like Amanda* who just took our order at McDonalds, she's 23. Your friend's son, John*, is 23. Remember Kari* who watched our kids that summer, she is 23. What are people going to think when you had an affair with a 23 year old?" 23 23 23 23 23 23 23 I just can't get it out of my head.

It just grosses me out. He works with a lot of young people, as I think the average age is 25 at his company. He "mentored" her and then realized he had feelings towards her. He knows that I will not give 100% to R if he still works there. We are going to IC and MC, but I was curious how other people dealt with the age gap? Looking for any tips....

Oh yeah, our SON is closer to her age then my WH....see I just can't get it out of my head.

[This message edited by ILINIA at 3:35 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

jjsr posted 7/29/2013 15:15 PM

I don't have any advice but I wanted to say its his shame to carry, not yours.

Jospehine85 posted 7/29/2013 15:24 PM


My WH's AP was supposedly the same age as me (looks considerably older), so I do not share the same issue as you.

BUT I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. He is old enough to be her dad. A 17 year age difference between 50 and 67 is one thing. 23 and 40 is altogether different.

If the average age of the people at your WH's work is 25, then he needs to stop working there. Seriously.

We all tend to take on the characteristics of the people we spend the most time with. if he is with young 20 year olds most of the day, he is going to start acting like them.

I am sure as a high school teacher, you have seen those teachers who lose sight of their role as the authority figure and start slipping in to "friends" mode with the students. They will even start acting like them.

This is what your WH did. I would get him out of there.

Meanwhile, you have obviously found one of the issues surrounding your WH's A that is going to be difficult for you to live with. I don't have any tips on how to cope with it.

OldCow18 posted 7/29/2013 15:31 PM

WH's OW is 33. 10 years younger than me and 15 younger than him. I don't get the ooged out dirty old man feeling that you MOST UNDERSTANDABLY are feeling because that is gross, I'm sorry, but it does bother me that part of the excitment of all this was scoring a younger woman and that would make sense to me if she wasn't short, fat and dumpy with bad hair and an ugly face (but I digress). He actually told me that it boosted his self esteem because she was younger...doesn't matter that HIS WIFE is a freaking 10 compared to her. Asshats, all of them. I'm sorry {hugs}

tryingmybest2011 posted 7/29/2013 15:35 PM

ILINIA, I don't have any advice, but I am right there with you. OW2 was 22 and my WH was 34. A smaller gap than yours, but I can't get past it.

I'm interested to what others have to say...thanks for starting this thread.

TrulySad posted 7/29/2013 16:05 PM

My ex husband cheated with a 19 year old, she was ten years younger than me. At the time, it crushed me. I ended up divorcing him, but the thoughts of her being so much younger, always haunted me. UNTIL I really started listening to men, and hearing what they had to say.

At first they may think..."Damn, I scored myself a young one, I still got it!". But very quickly I learned men start seeing how immature and shallow that woman/girl is, and how silly they are to think she was worth anything. I've never talked with a man who said it was all about her body...which was my first thought. They actually said the opposite. They said young women tend to be very boring in bed. It was the excitement at first, but a young woman doesn't hold a candle to a more mature one.

I had to hear this from men other than my man, for me to believe it.

And now... I'm in a relationship with a younger man who is now a WBF, and the last think I think about is the OW's age. I know better now.

I can honestly relate, but I don't think it's about them being a dirty, creepy old man. I truly think its just about sex, and them being stupid

ArableSands posted 7/29/2013 16:33 PM


I'm dealing with the other direction. Wife, 35 years old, cheated on me with a 61 year old short guy with receding hair and a beer gut.

He's no threat to me, but christ what a blow to my self esteem.

letitout posted 7/29/2013 16:45 PM

I deal with the dirty old man issue! My WH was 63 and his long term prostitute "mistress" was 23. 40 years his junior. Just gross.

I don't deal with it now, but in time I think I can by focusing on me and realize that he was just so messed up in the head. He knew that it wasn't right to be with someone that young but he did it anyway.

He say's he doesn't know why. Well I know why, because he could and the **** loved his money and vacations. I look at them as both predators. In the meantime, focus on you and know that you could never do such a vile thing. That is how I feel.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:12 PM, July 29th (Monday)]

Thiscantbhapning posted 7/29/2013 16:49 PM

I know how you feel. OW was 2 when we got married! She is 20 years younger than I and only 4 years older than our son! As you can see I can't get past it either.

Lifechange posted 7/29/2013 17:14 PM

It is hard to get over and a big hit to our self esteem. I know how it feels. My FWH had a LTA with a woman born the year we married. She could have been our daughter.

But, just as my H was broken, this MOW was broken, also. She was a cutter (scars on her arms), and had been molested by her grandfather.

Hmmm... I wonder if there's a connection here. She goes for the older men. I told my FWH he had taken advantage of a mentally ill person.

Now isn't THAT sexy.

She is a broken person. The OW in your case is obviously broken, too.


struggling16 posted 7/29/2013 18:03 PM

If you figure out the secret to getting over the age difference, please share with the group.

My WH was 70 and the AP was 25 at the time of the A. I am 13 years younger than my WH. The whole thing is just disgusting. His children were more than 13 years older than the AP!

He still doesn't see the age difference as pathetic. His gateway to the A was porn and he decided that he deserved to score a young "sure thing". His head was up his butt that he actually believed the young thing he met online was truly interested in him. The AP was interested in herself, his assets and the drama. I have to laugh that the AP criticized his fungal toenails, his underbite (she suggested plastic surgery) and his general appearance. From what he says she was embarrassed to be seen with him in public. Such a healthy relationship!

ohiocarrie535 posted 7/29/2013 18:07 PM

What is it with 23 year olds?! My 43 year old WH had A with 23 year old coworker that he supervises. She's just 2 years older than our son. And on her second marriage with a one year old. Busy, busy girl I guess! She even paraded her little daughter around at work on her days off trying to influence my WH to leave me for her after DDay. Thank God it didn't work. WH told me how jealous she was of me. I have to admit, it made me feel very, very good. And she is scared shitless of me! Haha!

Deeply Scared posted 7/29/2013 18:13 PM


Please do not use derogatory names in this forum.

To everyone else...

This is not a vent thread, please post accordingly or we will be forced to move the entire thread to General.

Thank you.

ArableSands posted 7/29/2013 18:14 PM

struggling 16 I don't really have anything to get over, I think, as far as age went. Her cheating was done for emotional reasons, not physical. I know the guy, and while he's relatively normal looking he's not aging well. My only response is EW EW EW FUCK.

I destroy him in every physical category. At 47 I'm told I have the body and skin of a 30 year old. A FIT AS FUCK 30 year old. So he's no threat to me physically or in the attractiveness department.

Sometimes when I kiss my wife I have to think "EW". Doesn't help matters.

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