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wert posted 7/29/2013 15:34 PM

A year and a half (or so) and I am feeling really good. I was on a little zen walk today at lunch, thinking about nothing, and it dawned on me why.

She is earning her way back. Now there are two parts to that.

Her part - She has been continuing IC and talking to me about her struggles (I must admit at times I want her to just fetch me a beer and turn the TV up so I can watch whatever World Cup qualifier I am watching - but alas listening is important I know this). She doesn't fall all over herself to make me comfortable but I don't want her to. I just want her to be a fucking adult and talk to me when the shit jumps off so to speak. She is doing that.

My part - I need to believe her. Her doing her work is important in that equation, but mine is more important to me because it what I can control. As she earns her way back I am feeling much more comfortable extending empathy, sharing the insights that I have learned through this without anger and well love.

While I liked anger A LOT, its not a great place live very long. Peace, understanding and empathy are more my speed. Boy am I glad she stopped being a complete asshat.

For all who are relatively new to the R thing, IMO rage away, test them and make them crawl. If they don't stick around -screw 'em. Find the next truck driver. That said, if it has been a while and your WS is working with you and you are still struggling take an honest look at why? Is it them or you? What's holding you back?

Take care....

Rebreather posted 7/29/2013 15:36 PM

Like.

ArableSands posted 7/29/2013 16:58 PM

Perhaps I've done a stupid thing then. I've committed to R and our MC has asked me to refrain from talking about divorce as an option. This has hobbled my rage.

For sure my wife has the upper hand now. And she did the cheating.

5454real posted 7/29/2013 17:09 PM

all your MC asked was that you refrain from talking about it. doesn't mean it's still not an option.

she only has the upper hand if you let her.

don't.

strength

LosferWords posted 7/29/2013 17:33 PM

Great post wert! Very good points you make here. Glad you are in a good spot.

tired girl posted 7/29/2013 18:44 PM

You aren't joking about finding it easy to stay comfortable in the anger stage.
In the long run you have to figure out if it is serving a purpose. I am glad both HL and I both figured that out together.
Great post.

AFrayedKnot posted 7/29/2013 19:21 PM

libertyrocks posted 7/30/2013 13:53 PM

haha, I don't think I've ever typed the eff word so many times in my life during those rage months...

Yeah, I'm learning to say "what the fuck am I going to do?? I wasn't the broken one" That's my new attitude.

Glad you're doing better, man. :)

I like the Peterbuilts.