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wert (original poster member #34478) posted at 9:34 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
A year and a half (or so) and I am feeling really good. I was on a little zen walk today at lunch, thinking about nothing, and it dawned on me why.
She is earning her way back. Now there are two parts to that.
Her part - She has been continuing IC and talking to me about her struggles (I must admit at times I want her to just fetch me a beer and turn the TV up so I can watch whatever World Cup qualifier I am watching - but alas listening is important I know this). She doesn't fall all over herself to make me comfortable but I don't want her to. I just want her to be a fucking adult and talk to me when the shit jumps off so to speak. She is doing that.
My part - I need to believe her. Her doing her work is important in that equation, but mine is more important to me because it what I can control. As she earns her way back I am feeling much more comfortable extending empathy, sharing the insights that I have learned through this without anger and well love.
While I liked anger A LOT, its not a great place live very long. Peace, understanding and empathy are more my speed. Boy am I glad she stopped being a complete asshat.
For all who are relatively new to the R thing, IMO rage away, test them and make them crawl. If they don't stick around -screw 'em. Find the next truck driver. That said, if it has been a while and your WS is working with you and you are still struggling take an honest look at why? Is it them or you? What's holding you back?
Take care....
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 9:36 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
ArableSands ( member #39830) posted at 10:58 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
Perhaps I've done a stupid thing then. I've committed to R and our MC has asked me to refrain from talking about divorce as an option. This has hobbled my rage.
For sure my wife has the upper hand now. And she did the cheating.
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 11:09 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
all your MC asked was that you refrain from talking about it. doesn't mean it's still not an option.
she only has the upper hand if you let her.
don't.
strength
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 11:33 PM on Monday, July 29th, 2013
Great post wert! Very good points you make here. Glad you are in a good spot. 
tired girl ( member #28053) posted at 12:44 AM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013
You aren't joking about finding it easy to stay comfortable in the anger stage.
In the long run you have to figure out if it is serving a purpose. I am glad both HL and I both figured that out together.
Great post.
Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB
AFrayedKnot ( member #36622) posted at 1:21 AM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013
BS 48fWS 44 (SurprisinglyOkay)DsD DSA whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better."Knowing is half the battle"
libertyrocks ( member #38924) posted at 7:53 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013
haha, I don't think I've ever typed the eff word so many times in my life during those rage months...
Yeah, I'm learning to say "what the fuck am I going to do?? I wasn't the broken one" That's my new attitude.
Glad you're doing better, man. :)
I like the Peterbuilts. 
Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.
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