I just want to say I too have the pendulum swings. It makes me feel very unstable because I don't intentionally fall down the "rabbit's hole" of rage and jealousy. I have good times and bad times...
I've had to battle internally with my personal ethics to fight to stay with him. My love for him won out but must not have been by much cuz I can't stand the thought of him being with another woman, can't stand it so much sometimes. I hate what he did very very very very much.
Today was a bad day but now I'm feeling better. I really hate the thought that things will go bad again. Logically I thought that once I processed and learned things that this wouldn't continue. But things trigger me and it starts up again.
I've always been a patient and balanced person. But this has thrown me for a loop such that I feel like I've been close to losing my sanity at times. I've never been betrayed like this before and never been so angry so I'm still learning how to cope.
I'm going to try to practice some anger management stuff and also address my grief. One site suggests that we make a list of what we are grieving for the loss of. I'm going to ask my husband to build a list too.
[This message edited by whattheh at 6:07 PM, July 29th (Monday)]