I think I blew it. I was doing really good at minimum contact ( we have kids), for the past month. As some of you know, I've been really struggling these last couple of weeks. But I managed to keep it to myself. Only venting to friends and family and posting and my IC.
Yesterday morning, I had a conversation with the ex (via text), it started out about the kids, I don't recall how it went to he next subject ( I just know I initiated it), but I told her I was sad and struggling because I knew she was over me. She replied that she is ready to move on.
So I replied that I love her, wish her he best, want her to be happy, and I'll move on. To be honest, I would have tried to work it out right then and there if she would have offered. I was that low.
Later that evening, we had some emails, basically I didn't want to sign up for a marathon without knowing if she was(trying to avoid an awkward situation), the emails were pretty impersonal.
The thing is, now I feel really low. I feel a loss of dignity. I feel like I blew it, like I gave her the upper hand of some game. But is this a game? I just feel like when I talk to her, I do everything wrong. But it takes a discipline that I'm slowly developing to keep my emotions in check and keep the conversation just about the kids....
I can't stop beating myself up about this.
[This message edited by Running the Race at 11:45 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]