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hangingontohope7 posted 7/30/2013 11:46 AM

Need to vent...

STBXWH has the kids until tomorrow. I hate being away from them but I know its something I am going to have to learn how to deal with.

I'm waiting to hear from my attorney regarding the custody arrangement.

My parents are giving me grief because they want all of this done yesterday. As if I'm not under enough stress. I know they mean well but its frustrating to have them chirping in my ear about what I should be doing. My response has been, "Well if you didn't want me to do this the 'legal' way then you shouldn't have encouraged me to get an attorney. We have to take our advice from her." And, that advice doesn't include making public statements on facebook, calling his family to try and humiliate him or calling his employer in an attempt to get him fired. I know they are angry too but it isn't helpful.

I've thought of a million snarky things to do to him in the past month but it isn't going to solve anything. My attorney advised me to "be civil." Every time I remain calm, it makes me look better. Every time he does something ridiculous, it makes him look worse.

NC is helping me from flipping out on him but then I'm stuck with all of these emotions that I wish I could lay on his doorstep.

I just want my kiddos home. I just want to hear from my lawyer. I just want to not feel so completely out of control.

Trytoletgo posted 7/30/2013 12:02 PM

Sending big hugs!!! I remember being away from my son for the first time when he went to WXH (he was 6 months old and I was still nursing). The anxiety can be extremely intense. I promise you it does get a little bit easier each time. I allow myself to stay home alone but only a certain amount of time. You need to keep busy. Make plans with friends. Go get a mani/pedi or a massage. Try to take advantage of the time to run errands. Anything to stay preoccupied.

As far as your parents, I feel that too. My mom was always one step behind me in the grieving process and it was hard to move forward when she was feeling the emotions that I was just getting over. Parents also love to give advice but they don't get it completely and they are not talking to the attorney. Listen to your lawyer. I was selective in what, when and how I spoke to my parents about the divorce. I found it much easier to lean on my friends to vent or my therapist and rely on my parents when I needed help with my son. They just want you to not feel any pain and want to help so let them help in an area that you can control or an area that won't make it more difficult for you. I let my parents babysit so I can go food shopping or get my nails done or go to the gym.

I promise it will get easier, especially once you start to feel that things have fallen into a routine. I rely heavily on routine ; )

Ashland13 posted 7/30/2013 12:21 PM

HI Hanging on,

Much of your writing is something I live with, too.

One of my parents desparately wants revenge. S he enjoys name calling and while I understand it is in protection of me, it hurts...doesn't help.

The other parent complains to his GF and family behind my back and I am hearing he complains to my family now.

I am trying to work out of a reputation of codependency, so anything I can do without needing help boosts me. Calling for help does not. I've said this to all of them. It is like my voice is mute.

The IL's are like a species of their own. They are mostly nice to my face-some snub me -but I don't trust them more and more. Most of them know what he did via facebook and I but will protect their own, NMW (no matter what).

You're right...revenge doesn't solve anything and being civil helps things go by quicker.

I feel common ground, because I worry each minute DD is with him and so get no peace out of the "break". He has taken to over-indulging and then sometimes she's come back sick or I have eons of deprogramming.

Yup. Even waiting for my lawyer, like you are.

I think it's the waiting or stillness that pushes at my nerves the most somedays. Do you find that, too?

You sound like a good mom and I can't wait til your kids are back.

Ashland13 posted 7/30/2013 12:22 PM

Correction: working away from codependency.