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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Is it the 17 year itch??
myperfectlife
♀ 39801
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am seeing a lot of people posting with 17 year marriages devastated by affairs.
Is it just me, or are there a lot of them?


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
sunflowergirl30
♀ 28979
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

at the time wh started his dumb fuckery we had been married 12yrs. together 15yrs.

we have now been together almost 20yrs and married almost 17yrs...

i dont think there is any 7 yr itch or 17yr itch just ws epic stupidity and selfishness at any given time.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.
Wh-lying, cheater now 37
Me- crazy bs now 38
2 teens and a dog
Mow- married old whore now 50


1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010


Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
BeyondBreaking
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My grandma called grandpa's affair the "7 year itch." They were married for 33 years before he cheated and left her for my step-grandmother (who is 2 years older than my mom).

I don't know, I think it's just a phrase.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
jimbo25319
♂ 31891
Member # 31891
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 19 year anniversary would have been in Sept.

Posts: 480 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Maryland
hurtincolorado
♂ 40001
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

21 years married when she began it. Two days before our 22nd anniversary I saw the texts on her phone that revealed the affair. Two days later my 4 kids threw a surprise anniversary party for us with all our friends over. Had to fake happiness. Later found out she called him the day of our anniversary (she said she called him to tell him it was over). I don't think there is a special timeline. i always thought the longer in a marriage the more secure but boy was I wrong.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
hurtincolorado
♂ 40001
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

21 years married when she began it. Two days before our 22nd anniversary I saw the texts on her phone that revealed the affair. Two days later my 4 kids threw a surprise anniversary party for us with all our friends over. Had to fake happiness. Later found out she called him the day of our anniversary (she said she called him to tell him it was over). I don't think there is a special timeline. i always thought the longer in a marriage the more secure but boy was I wrong.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I started, we had been together 17, married for 13. I have two GFs whose marriages also crumbled around that point in time (one was not due to infidelity). It's sad-- I naively thought that once you got that far into a relationship, you were doing pretty well. Clearly, my XWH wasn't thinking the same thing.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3641 | Registered: Oct 2011
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!!! Married 17 years. We lived together a couple years before getting married. Like a dumbass I posted our 20 years together sappy pic and status on FB - right while the fucker was cheating. That makes me sick now.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Married 14, together 17. (now married 22)


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6643 | Registered: Jan 2011
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Close enough for me. My wife started her affair just before (yes, just before ) our 16th anniversary, and got caught and ended the affair a couple of months before our 17th.

I think the reason why 17 years comes up so much is that it places the cheater around age 40, which seems to be prime affair time for so many people, men and women. Maybe it's more like a MLC than a 17 yr. itch.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
womaninflux
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal1995 very astute


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep I have had the same thought as Sal. One last hurrah before the looks fade. I even asked WH why he couldn't have gotten a convertible or some fake hair instead.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks WIF. My wife was actually the big 4-0 when she started her affair, as if she was trying to fit the MLC stereotype.

I think Tripletrouble put her finger on the problem - one last hurrah before the looks fade. My wife was stunned that at age 40 a man would pursue her with such passion and persistence. I complemented her looks frequently and quite sincerely, but I guess in her mind I was just saying what a husband is supposed to say to his wife. Never underestimate the toxic mix of aging and low self-esteem.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
womaninflux
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Sal and Triple said fits right into the cliche. My husband pretty much was 40 when his 2 1/2 y affair started. He's got all sorts of lotions and potions to make him look/feel younger. He's an informercial marketing dream. Male menopause? There's a treatment sign me up!!!too bad there's no treatment for general dickheadedness.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
hurtincolorado
♂ 40001
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All very true but what bs for the wayward to chalk it up to a MLC as if its a convertible or they dyed their hair. My MLC was to run a marathon and ride a road bike race for 500 miles. Why did hers have to be mounting someone? Thats not a MLC that is a mid life selfish act (MLSA) with devastating impacts.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
Scubachick
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I noticed that too. I found out my husband was cheating within days of our 17 year anniversary.

Posts: 786 | Registered: Jul 2013
myperfectlife
♀ 39801
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal,
You may have a valid point. Although my stbxws is only 37. I told him if this wasn't an MLC then I didn't want to stick around for the "real" one.

And yes-MLC or no, no excuse for it.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out the hard way that when they are in affair mode, nothing is sacred. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's Day...nothing. If there's a chance for a stolen moment and a romp in the hay with the AP, they'll take it.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep together 15 years when it happened. I think though unless we had been together less than 4 years (you know during those sigh romantic early years) it would have happened at that time as fWS turned 45 and had a gigantic MLC.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2299 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
sudra
♀ 30143
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husbands EA/PA started five months after our 17th anniversary. He had an EA prior to that and his boundaries were screwed up for who knows how long. Possibly an earlier affair...

Don't know, is my answer...


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1514 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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