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Is it the 17 year itch??

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myperfectlife posted 7/30/2013 12:13 PM

I am seeing a lot of people posting with 17 year marriages devastated by affairs.
Is it just me, or are there a lot of them?

sunflowergirl30 posted 7/30/2013 12:18 PM

at the time wh started his dumb fuckery we had been married 12yrs. together 15yrs.

we have now been together almost 20yrs and married almost 17yrs...

i dont think there is any 7 yr itch or 17yr itch just ws epic stupidity and selfishness at any given time.

BeyondBreaking posted 7/30/2013 12:27 PM

My grandma called grandpa's affair the "7 year itch." They were married for 33 years before he cheated and left her for my step-grandmother (who is 2 years older than my mom).

I don't know, I think it's just a phrase.

jimbo25319 posted 7/30/2013 14:52 PM

My 19 year anniversary would have been in Sept.

hurtincolorado posted 7/30/2013 15:16 PM

21 years married when she began it. Two days before our 22nd anniversary I saw the texts on her phone that revealed the affair. Two days later my 4 kids threw a surprise anniversary party for us with all our friends over. Had to fake happiness. Later found out she called him the day of our anniversary (she said she called him to tell him it was over). I don't think there is a special timeline. i always thought the longer in a marriage the more secure but boy was I wrong.

hurtincolorado posted 7/30/2013 15:16 PM

21 years married when she began it. Two days before our 22nd anniversary I saw the texts on her phone that revealed the affair. Two days later my 4 kids threw a surprise anniversary party for us with all our friends over. Had to fake happiness. Later found out she called him the day of our anniversary (she said she called him to tell him it was over). I don't think there is a special timeline. i always thought the longer in a marriage the more secure but boy was I wrong.

tryingagain74 posted 7/30/2013 15:19 PM

When I started, we had been together 17, married for 13. I have two GFs whose marriages also crumbled around that point in time (one was not due to infidelity). It's sad-- I naively thought that once you got that far into a relationship, you were doing pretty well. Clearly, my XWH wasn't thinking the same thing.

Tripletrouble posted 7/30/2013 16:33 PM

Yes!!! Married 17 years. We lived together a couple years before getting married. Like a dumbass I posted our 20 years together sappy pic and status on FB - right while the fucker was cheating. That makes me sick now.

Rebreather posted 7/30/2013 16:36 PM

Married 14, together 17. (now married 22)

Sal1995 posted 7/30/2013 16:42 PM

Close enough for me. My wife started her affair just before (yes, just before ) our 16th anniversary, and got caught and ended the affair a couple of months before our 17th.

I think the reason why 17 years comes up so much is that it places the cheater around age 40, which seems to be prime affair time for so many people, men and women. Maybe it's more like a MLC than a 17 yr. itch.

womaninflux posted 7/30/2013 16:47 PM

Sal1995 very astute

Tripletrouble posted 7/30/2013 16:50 PM

Yep I have had the same thought as Sal. One last hurrah before the looks fade. I even asked WH why he couldn't have gotten a convertible or some fake hair instead.

Sal1995 posted 7/30/2013 16:58 PM

Thanks WIF. My wife was actually the big 4-0 when she started her affair, as if she was trying to fit the MLC stereotype.

I think Tripletrouble put her finger on the problem - one last hurrah before the looks fade. My wife was stunned that at age 40 a man would pursue her with such passion and persistence. I complemented her looks frequently and quite sincerely, but I guess in her mind I was just saying what a husband is supposed to say to his wife. Never underestimate the toxic mix of aging and low self-esteem.

womaninflux posted 7/30/2013 17:02 PM

What Sal and Triple said fits right into the cliche. My husband pretty much was 40 when his 2 1/2 y affair started. He's got all sorts of lotions and potions to make him look/feel younger. He's an informercial marketing dream. Male menopause? There's a treatment sign me up!!!too bad there's no treatment for general dickheadedness.

hurtincolorado posted 7/30/2013 17:42 PM

All very true but what bs for the wayward to chalk it up to a MLC as if its a convertible or they dyed their hair. My MLC was to run a marathon and ride a road bike race for 500 miles. Why did hers have to be mounting someone? Thats not a MLC that is a mid life selfish act (MLSA) with devastating impacts.

Scubachick posted 7/30/2013 17:52 PM

I noticed that too. I found out my husband was cheating within days of our 17 year anniversary.

myperfectlife posted 7/30/2013 18:03 PM

Sal,
You may have a valid point. Although my stbxws is only 37. I told him if this wasn't an MLC then I didn't want to stick around for the "real" one.

And yes-MLC or no, no excuse for it.

Sal1995 posted 7/30/2013 18:03 PM

I found out the hard way that when they are in affair mode, nothing is sacred. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's Day...nothing. If there's a chance for a stolen moment and a romp in the hay with the AP, they'll take it.

purplejacket4 posted 7/30/2013 18:03 PM

Yep together 15 years when it happened. I think though unless we had been together less than 4 years (you know during those sigh romantic early years) it would have happened at that time as fWS turned 45 and had a gigantic MLC.

sudra posted 7/30/2013 19:28 PM

My husbands EA/PA started five months after our 17th anniversary. He had an EA prior to that and his boundaries were screwed up for who knows how long. Possibly an earlier affair...

Don't know, is my answer...

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