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Question for the Menz--racy texts-how much is too much

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better4me posted 7/30/2013 12:52 PM

Like to have a guy's opinion on this. Thought I'd start with my friends here on SI! (Women feel free to comment too :)

My intentions are to find "the one" and I'm not interested in being a notch or getting notches on my bed post. I find that some of the guys I have texted with before meeting use sexual innuendos in their texts. I'm not adverse to word play and am pretty good at it, but I don't want to give the wrong impression.

What I want to communicate from the beginning is: I'm fun. I am clever. I appreciate a sexual innuendo. And, I'm not going to "do" anything until we have dated for awhile. The impression I want to convey: I'm not easy. I like sex. I wait until I am in a committed relationship before engaging in sexual intercourse or "heavy" sexual stuff.

How much flirting is appropriate? How much flirting is okay but also communicates the above values? Should I put the kabash on the sexual word play when it starts? Do I do that subtly or directly? Argh.

One guy blew up at me when I said "ok, that's too far" directly. He's apologized for that, told me his back story and how that related to his strong reaction. I guess I'd like to know how to do just a little bit of flirting, and then stop...without having to come right out and say "these are my limits" directly. I want to show it by my actions really...

So guys, How much flirting do you think is appropriate? What is the best way to communicate one's limits while also communicating that I am not a prude? Are the "good guys" adverse to sexual flirting and is the fact that it happens an indicator that the guy is only interested in a sexual relationship???

lieshurt posted 7/30/2013 12:59 PM

is the fact that it happens an indicator that the guy is only interested in a sexual relationship???

I'm not a man, but I have chatted with quite a few men in the OLD world. In my experience, those who jump to sexually toned comments/conversations are not looking for a relationship. They are looking to get laid and they are testing the waters to see if/when you'll bite. Basically, a man with good intentions who wants long term would not disrespect you by jumping on the sex bandwagon.

hurtbs posted 7/30/2013 13:07 PM

In my experience, the guys who immediately jump to racy texts/emails are not looking for a relationship.

turned123 posted 7/30/2013 13:09 PM

you have so may great questions! Here is my man take on it; if the sexting (even light) is done too soon in the relationship I think its easy for a guy to place more value on that and less on the 'real' stuff in a relationship. Sooo if done too early, yes, I think that makes it just about word play and sex. Depending on what you want I would wait until there is an existing intimate relationship between the two people before flirting too much via text. So much can get lost in translation via text. That's just mho.

Later posted 7/30/2013 13:18 PM

IMO, it leads one to view you as nothing more than a F-buddy. Nothing wrong with adult women liking sex -- but if you are looking for a LTR you don't want the man thinking back at the early days and remembering how easily you went there.

Also, I am kinda old school --I don't think I would want to put anything out there that I did not have control of later.

better4me posted 7/30/2013 16:49 PM

Thank you all. This is what my gut was telling me too. That men who get racy early on are looking for something other than what I want...I will thus ignore the urge to engage in witty word play that hints at sexual stuff. I will communicate respect for myself and accept nothing less in return. I will be a lady and save the other fun and witty and good stuff for the someone who deserves me.

torn2bits posted 7/30/2013 17:12 PM

The other thing to consider here is SA. My friend who is OLD has said to me that she knew right off the bat that a guy was a sex addict. He started with the sexting and if by chance they got to a first date, there was waaay to much touching.

My neices in their 20's have even said sexting early is just a booty call. Also, sending your junk or them asking you to send your junk.

Crescita posted 7/30/2013 17:25 PM

Maybe I'm prudish, but I reserve sexual innuendo for people I know and trust. It skeeves me out with people I barely know.

hurtinky posted 7/30/2013 19:36 PM

It's interesting how fast these men disappear when they find out you don't want to sext, booty call, or FB with them.

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