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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: Question for the Menz--racy texts-how much is too much
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like to have a guy's opinion on this. Thought I'd start with my friends here on SI! (Women feel free to comment too :)

My intentions are to find "the one" and I'm not interested in being a notch or getting notches on my bed post. I find that some of the guys I have texted with before meeting use sexual innuendos in their texts. I'm not adverse to word play and am pretty good at it, but I don't want to give the wrong impression.

What I want to communicate from the beginning is: I'm fun. I am clever. I appreciate a sexual innuendo. And, I'm not going to "do" anything until we have dated for awhile. The impression I want to convey: I'm not easy. I like sex. I wait until I am in a committed relationship before engaging in sexual intercourse or "heavy" sexual stuff.

How much flirting is appropriate? How much flirting is okay but also communicates the above values? Should I put the kabash on the sexual word play when it starts? Do I do that subtly or directly? Argh.

One guy blew up at me when I said "ok, that's too far" directly. He's apologized for that, told me his back story and how that related to his strong reaction. I guess I'd like to know how to do just a little bit of flirting, and then stop...without having to come right out and say "these are my limits" directly. I want to show it by my actions really...

So guys, How much flirting do you think is appropriate? What is the best way to communicate one's limits while also communicating that I am not a prude? Are the "good guys" adverse to sexual flirting and is the fact that it happens an indicator that the guy is only interested in a sexual relationship???


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3236 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is the fact that it happens an indicator that the guy is only interested in a sexual relationship???

I'm not a man, but I have chatted with quite a few men in the OLD world. In my experience, those who jump to sexually toned comments/conversations are not looking for a relationship. They are looking to get laid and they are testing the waters to see if/when you'll bite. Basically, a man with good intentions who wants long term would not disrespect you by jumping on the sex bandwagon.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13841 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my experience, the guys who immediately jump to racy texts/emails are not looking for a relationship.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
turned123
♂ 33663
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you have so may great questions! Here is my man take on it; if the sexting (even light) is done too soon in the relationship I think its easy for a guy to place more value on that and less on the 'real' stuff in a relationship. Sooo if done too early, yes, I think that makes it just about word play and sex. Depending on what you want I would wait until there is an existing intimate relationship between the two people before flirting too much via text. So much can get lost in translation via text. That's just mho.


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
Later
♂ 39375
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, it leads one to view you as nothing more than a F-buddy. Nothing wrong with adult women liking sex -- but if you are looking for a LTR you don't want the man thinking back at the early days and remembering how easily you went there.

Also, I am kinda old school --I don't think I would want to put anything out there that I did not have control of later.


Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. This is what my gut was telling me too. That men who get racy early on are looking for something other than what I want...I will thus ignore the urge to engage in witty word play that hints at sexual stuff. I will communicate respect for myself and accept nothing less in return. I will be a lady and save the other fun and witty and good stuff for the someone who deserves me.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3236 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
torn2bits
♀ 28376
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other thing to consider here is SA. My friend who is OLD has said to me that she knew right off the bat that a guy was a sex addict. He started with the sexting and if by chance they got to a first date, there was waaay to much touching.

My neices in their 20's have even said sexting early is just a booty call. Also, sending your junk or them asking you to send your junk.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I'm prudish, but I reserve sexual innuendo for people I know and trust. It skeeves me out with people I barely know.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3533 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
hurtinky
♀ 26152
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's interesting how fast these men disappear when they find out you don't want to sext, booty call, or FB with them.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
Topic Posts: 9

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