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laney57 posted 7/30/2013 19:04 PM

Just a rant...
I HATE this separation in the same house. I HATE him! How am I ever going to move on in this situation?
He lost his job, I just found one. Nothing compared to his salary of course... But I'm hoping this will help. He is so depressed (about job of course) and I'm still so hurt about this whole mess he created. I can't talk about it, because that will make it worse (oh the wrath of his tongue)
I just don't know.. Not my doing, but still so painful.
Thanks for listening ...

tryingagain74 posted 7/30/2013 21:25 PM

(((laney57)))

I did it for eight months. It was hell. I felt like I was given a get out of jail pass when I left to go to work, and then I felt a horrible sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach when I pulled into the driveway. It was lovely when he had to go away or work at night.

I hope you can get out soon. I can't believe that I ever lived that way.

laney57 posted 7/30/2013 21:41 PM

It is brutal, and you made it! Gives me hope. If it weren't for my son, I would live in the car or go home (out of state)
I've truly never thought someone so ugly. Ugh... Can't wait for new FT job next week :).

tryingagain74 posted 7/30/2013 22:01 PM

Yep-- you can do it. I did it for my kids as well while I saved money and looked for the right house. I guess the eight months was worth the wait because I found the perfect home for me and my kids.

Hang in there-- glad you have a job to escape to! Just make sure that you're doing something every day to move on, whether it's legal paperwork, scouting out a new place (if you're leaving), saving money, opening a new bank account, etc. Those little steps meant a great deal to me. Every hurdle crossed, no matter how small, made me feel like I was getting closer to freedom.

dbellanon posted 7/30/2013 22:22 PM

I'm in the last month of an in-house separation (thank god!). It's no fun at all. Do you have any sort of exit strategy, any particular end in sight? Are you looking to move out or is he?

laney57 posted 7/30/2013 22:44 PM

Trying, thank you! Yes, I'm doing all the time. It's pretty easy to be motivated daily now that we are ALWAYS looking at each other.
dbellanon,
I need to stay in the school district which is fine with me. I don't know if I'll stay in this house though (rental). He would leave in a minute if the job is out of state. So I pray, he finds something very very soon. I have thought about picking up and just moving to another place close, but I need to wait to start work.
I thought dday was horrific, nothing is worse than living amongst your "soulmate" or so I thought that has absolutely no remorse. Even a little kindness, goes a long way. "Get over it" is what I hear, so I've gone silent on that subject. Thankfully, I've had some great advise here on SI. I no longer feel that I did something wrong. He doesn't even claim that... So... I will continue to hide my bit of $ and worry about my boy. Congrats on your last month!!

mandan66 posted 7/30/2013 22:56 PM

(laney57)

I have the same story; it was brutal, but we did it for 4 months, just so as to not disrupt things at school for our boys, and I'm glad we did, even though the stress of it was overwhelming at times. Sometimes (like now) I sit back and marvel at the insanity of everything that has gone on in the last year. But, what always has kept me going is my boys, and the idea of moving forward, and getting all my ducks in a row, as they say. Every small step leads to a bigger step. Hang in there!

BrokenDaisy posted 7/31/2013 06:26 AM

I just moved out yesterday after 19 months. It is hell. It is tough BUT you can and will survive it. Focus as much as you can on yourself and your son. I also thought I'd never make it but I have. (((Laney)))

laney57 posted 7/31/2013 07:52 AM

mandan66 and brokendaisy,
Thank you both for the encouraging words! I think I have really learned and am starting to get my self-esteem back on track (most days anyways)
Keep moving I guess

7yrsflushed posted 7/31/2013 08:44 AM

I did it as well. It is hell and it seems like time is standing still but it does come to an end at some point. As others have stated the more you do now to prepare the better off you will be once the in-house is over. I spent the last few months doing the 180 and focusing on me and things I wanted to do for me and the kids. When STBXW finally moved out I already had the next phase of my lfe roughed out. The only thing I couldn't really prepare for was sharing custody of my kids and not seeing them for 50% of the time. However you never truly realize just how toxic a person can be until they are actually gone and you see just how quickly sanity and calm return to your life. Things got so much better for me once she moved out. It will get better for you as well.

laney57 posted 7/31/2013 09:21 AM

7yrsflushed,
You are all inspiring me. I wasn't doing so well last night obviously. When I want to scream "I hate you", I come to SI.
I've tried over and over with the 180. It is so hard for me to keep quiet. Quiet about the weather is just as hard as the A for me :) I'm a talker... He's not.
Anyways, I was doing very well with the 180 until he went out of state for an interview. He played me well... So, I hit a speed bump, but am continuing on.

I need to get a few weeks under my belt with work and should be in a much better place soon!

Thank you again 7yrsflushed!

iwantamiracle posted 7/31/2013 12:06 PM

oh my gosh...i have been living like this for 4 and half years....but in my circumstance until recently there were only a few people who knew....i told my ws i wanted a d 6 months after d-day but wanted to stay together for the kids....in name only....its been the hardest 4 and half years of my life.....

a part of me regrets not kicking him to the door instantly....but i would have regretted that decision if my kids turned out with lots of issues since they were all teens at the time and very hormonal....so i did what i would regret the least...

the outcome...2 out of 3 are amazing and the 3rd is somewhat stuck and could very well be because of the tenseness in the home....tis a long story, but the short of it is for a good long time my kids knew nothing except mom and dad were having issues and seeking counseling....

they all now know, i am and have been taking steps for financial stability, they are all as of this sept in college and so i am nearing the end of this part of my journey and dreading and looking forward to the next part.....

i am pretty sure my ws will not leave and when its time to formalize things and he will be monstrous.....he doesn't want a "d"...

just know that you are so so not alone, there are many of us.....and eventually it will be done....and you will find peace within....i really believe this......

FaithFool posted 7/31/2013 12:32 PM

Oh laney, even with a remorseful x it was six months of hellish limbo. I can't even begin to imagine what you're experiencing.

Big hugs. It will be over one day and your NB will be sweet.

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