No card to Mom.
No poem to Mom.
No contact of ANY kind with Mom.
These all breach NC. Every single one of them.
OW's husband needs to know. This is not something to be negotiated in MC. It's not something to discuss with your husband. (If you do, NC ---if it exists---will be broken, as he warns OW that the message is coming.)
The man has the right to know the truth about his life. He needs to be tested for STDs.
And OW does NOT need to be given the almost-certain heads-up she'll get from your husband, whose priorities are still horrendously skewed (and who seems to be clinging more to OW and her family, at this foggy, foggy point, than to you and your marriage.)
Tell OBS. Do not tell your husband in advance. If possible, contact him at his place of business. (I sent a letter requiring OBS's signature to his office so that his wife ---who HAD been warned, as it turned out, by my "NC" husband--- could not intercept it. I was kind, I was gentle, and I gave just enough information to make it very clear I was telling the truth--with an offer of more if he wanted it.)
Your husband is not in the game yet. I hope he gets there.
Frankly, I would not go to MC with a man who had not yet shown real remorse, empathy for me, or commitment to the marriage. That he's talking about you with the MC shows a lack of boundaries. Delivering the "wait to tell OBS" thing is sheer manipulation.
MC with a WH who is not yet occupying the right headspace can be emotional suicide for the BS.
In your shoes, I'd find an IC. For you. I'd perhaps consider the current MC as WH's IC. But I would NOT see that person for MC, because she's already aligning with your husband. (Besides, I think it is usually a TERRIBLE mistake to have an MC who is also IC to either partner. It very rarely works.)
[This message edited by solus sto at 11:25 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)]