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Thanks, OW.

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tryingagain74 posted 7/30/2013 21:19 PM

Tonight I had dinner with two great friends who told me that they had seen XWH and the Owife recently. I got them up to date on XWH's marriage to her, moving in the stepfamily, etc. I talked a little bit about the dynamic I think my XWH wanted from our marriage-- he wanted to be the focus of my world, and everything I did should have revolved around his needs and interests. I think we lasted as long as we did because I was a doormat in many ways. I was happy to listen to his music, eat the foods he liked, travel where he wanted... I was happy to go with the flow because it made him happy.

Over time, though, we began to clash because I think I began to grow up and become the person I wanted to be for me and not for him-- I am fairly independent, like alone time, and *gasp* had my own interests that I pursued whether he liked them or not. My friends listened as I told them about how DS #1 said that the Owife "really focuses on Dad," and I said that I'm sure XWH loves that because that's what he wanted from me. My friends affirmed this dynamic-- they said it was clear from how they related to each other that she danced attendance on him, clearly made him the focus, etc.

So, I'd like to take this moment to thank you, Owife. Although I would have preferred a more grown-up and amicable end to my marriage, I suppose that you provided the impetus I needed to end it. I had grown up and changed while my then-husband remained the same immature, needy individual that wasn't so bad at age 20 but had become unbearable by age 40.

When my friends described how attentive and focused you were being toward your now-husband, my XWH, I felt such a sense of dread at the memory of it but also relief because it was no longer my burden to carry. His presence became more and more suffocating, especially toward the end, and I delight every day that I am free to live my life as I so choose without having to report to a keeper.

I will never call you friend, approve of what you did, or truly think you noble for helping me to see my XWH for who is really is. But I will thank you, nonetheless, for being gullible enough to fall for his lovebombing. He's really good at that, isn't he? If you're lucky, you might get that for a couple more years. Enjoy it while you can. You're going to need those warm, sparkly memories in the years to come when you look outside the window of that pretty little house that I left and realize that it is nothing more than a jail.

Kajem posted 7/30/2013 21:25 PM

Perfect! Hallmark couldn't have said it better.

Hugs,

K

missmydogs posted 7/30/2013 21:32 PM

Yay!! This was fantastic! Good for you!

SBB posted 7/30/2013 23:27 PM

<<round of applause>>

I will never call you friend, approve of what you did, or truly think you noble for helping me to see my XWH for who is really is. But I will thank you, nonetheless, for being gullible enough to fall for his lovebombing. He's really good at that, isn't he? If you're lucky, you might get that for a couple more years. Enjoy it while you can. You're going to need those warm, sparkly memories in the years to come when you look outside the window of that pretty little house that I left and realize that it is nothing more than a jail.

^^ I hung around for an extra 5-8 years living on rancid crumbs waiting for the love (bombing) to come back...

I thank past/current OW for distracting him as I work on detaching and healing. Should he be stupid/arrogant enough to try his hand at fishing all he will find is:

There are no fish in this pond. This pond has no water. Fuck off.

sparkysable posted 7/31/2013 05:33 AM

omg I love every word in this post.

confused615 posted 7/31/2013 06:45 AM

Strongmama posted 7/31/2013 07:57 AM

Great post! I can relate to almost every word. Thank you!

myperfectlife posted 7/31/2013 08:15 AM

I could have written this. My stbxwh and his ow are not married but who knows, they could eventually be!
Everything else is spot on.
It's heartbreaking to lose someone you truly loved, but no one should ever stop growing up.
(((hugs)))

beforeandafter posted 7/31/2013 08:21 AM

Fantastic post! I find myself wondering, after D is final, whether I ought to send OM a Thank you or a Condolences card. I don't suppose Hallmark sells a crossover?

npain posted 7/31/2013 10:45 AM

Great post!!! Love it!!!

FaithFool posted 7/31/2013 12:00 PM

Yes!

Titanium posted 7/31/2013 17:43 PM

AWESOME.........

I booted my NPD/WH out 5 weeks ago. Its been incredibly difficult.

1 week after boot went into action he looked up OW. Found out that last weekend they now shacked up together in a 1 bed waterfront apartment fully furnished (because neither has anything) fir $189 per day.

She has entered the lions den or should i say "alcatraz" ........

Lmao.......thankyou for an uplifting post. Really needed it this morning after 24 years of narcisisstic wrath.

(((Hugs to all))

Oh after NC for 3 of those weeks he made contact saying wanted to come and talk.......about what?

Is the glue coming unstuck ALREADY?

HAHAHAHA.....i kept NC. Proud of myself. :-)

Vulcanized posted 7/31/2013 17:53 PM

I suppose that you provided the impetus I needed to end it. I had grown up and changed while my then-husband remained the same immature, needy individual that wasn't so bad at age 20 but had become unbearable by age 40.

Standing ovation! Yes, yes, yes.

Makes me think this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvJs5BOlYi8

Ashland13 posted 7/31/2013 20:15 PM

Yes.

Nearly ExH was this and more.

Helen of Troy posted 7/31/2013 22:11 PM

This is fucking awesome.

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