Im so sorry. It will get better. It takes time..and a proactive,remorseful,honest WS who is doing all they should be doing..and more.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
So for what it's worth, that's an angry BS's point of view who is not far along the MC track. You might want to heed the advice of folks who have been through much more of this. I am reminded by my rational best friend that I am supposed to wait 3-6 months before making final decisions, but I can tell you that a lie after DDay will KILL this marriage.
I don't understand why I cant have a revenge A and have no repercussions.
I certainly understand this sentiment, I think every BS feels like this early on.
For me the answer was simple: my values, morals, and wedding vows aren't for sale, regardless of what my wife did. She doesn't have the power to make me less than I am.
Your question may have been rhetorical, but if it wasn't I hope this helps.