Hi 16forever,
I think this might be R
There is no official definition of R, but for many couples a successful and sustainable R includes most of the following.
• NC established
• The WS has identified and owned his or her issues that led to the A. Has made progress in replacing wayward thinking with more realistic perceptions and behaviors.
• The BS has worked through the feelings and emotions resulting from dday, and is at a place of acceptance, if not forgiveness of the A. The BS is ready to accept the WS as a full partner in the M.
• Both partners work at improving communication, stepping up their relationship skills, and re-dedicating themselves to the M.
I do not see these things in your post. Your WS moved back in to the house with you, but I do not see any discussion of him attending IC, reading books like Not Just Friends by Glass and Sexual Detours by Hines and discussing them with you. Has he done anything to demonstrate sustained changed behaviors on boundaries, emotional intimacy, and communication?
I have kinda bottled I know this is not good i am just trying to forget and move on but it's still on my mind 24 /7
Just as the WS has to do work to get to the point to work on R, so does the BS. The BS has to work through the feelings and emotions, not stuff them or try to get past them. You asked for advice, talk with your WH about these things. Talk about the sweet words versus actions that he does not follow-through on. Ask him why he has stopped the flowers, dates, and special notes. Ask him to read Not Just Friends and Sexual Detours with you and discuss them with you. Ask him what he has changed so that he will not look to an OP in the future when he feels stressed, unloved, or whatever was his issue triggering the A. If he is not willing to do these relatively simple things, it is unlikely he will be able to do the work on avoiding conflict avoidance, improving intimate communication, and enforcing good relationship boundaries.
He needs to prove to you that it is safe for you to reinvest with him emotionally. This proof must be actions, sustained actions.
You should work on a plan B in case he is unwilling or unable to be a safe and supportive M partner. Can you survive with your children if you D? Have tyou talked with an attorney to know what to expect in a D? Can you begin to save some money for a fund in case you decide it is time to leave or kick him out?
Good luck and best wishes.
