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lostsoul214 posted 7/31/2013 14:52 PM

Well hello I've had so many emotions running through my mind and I'm just sort of lost.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years. 4 together 3 married. We had the greatest relationship that I could have ever imagined. I was her first and she pretty much was mine also. 2 years ago I got sick. I started getting these pains in my arm that would run up to my chest that would cause my arm to completely shut down. I felt as if my hand wanted to explode everyday at least 2 or 3 times an hour. I pretty much ended up turning myself left handed because of this. We use to play, wrestle, tickle each other and everything like that. Well once this pain started it stopped because I just couldn't any more. I started to see a bunch of doctors I would say over 12. I had surgery to have a rib removed 4 or 5 nerve blocks and just did everything to get rid of it. I finally just gave up on myself.
I shut everyone out in my family and the worst part about it is that I shut her out. I didn't realize how selfish I was being when I did this. She was pretty much taking care of me. I still had my job but i just gave up on myself. I didn't try to make myself better anymore. She ended up getting distant with me. She wanted to go out and i would let her. I let her do anything that she wanted to do. It eventually got to the point were she just thought that i didn't care about her at all. We never fought, she couldn't stand hurting my feelings and visa versa
She just recently told me that she no longer wants to be with me any longer. I broke down and told her that I didn't want her to go and that she means everything to me. I appologized to her for being so selfish that I shut her out because of my pain. She said that she loves me but not like that anymore. She eventually broke down and told me that she has been having an affair behind my back for about 4 months. She said that she didn't think that I would ever change. She said that she had married a man but ended up feeling like she was taking care of a child.

We are now split of course. She took my heart and the dog. She was the greatest person to ever happen to me and it's just so hard to let her go. I admit that I got lost in my pain and shut everyone out family and her. I gained weight, didn't talk to anyone, and lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I hadn't spoken to her for a over a month. Within that time I just got on my grind. I started working out. I reflected a lot and realized exactly what emotions she was going through all of this. She just wanted me to acknowledge her. To show her I cared and I still had that passion for her. She wanted to see if I could overcome the pain and be her man again.

I seen her this past weekend at an art show that her brother was having. Let me through this out there. She was religious, her family is really religious. They loved me with all of there hearts and seen the change in me also. They noticed that i went into a bubble. When her family found out what happened they sort of shut her out. They believed that marriage is through sickness and health. Well all of her family ended up being on my side. I had lost 25 lbs every single person of her family was shocked in how good i looked and seemed. So I ended up pulling her to the side and talking to her. I just put it out there. I didn't say that I want her to forgive me or that I was sorry. I was overly apologetic when she told me everything. I just told her that I had been reflecting on how I made her feel. In detail, that I made her feel insecure and not loved and that built into shell to avoid me. I got the response of "I'm glad that your looking good." "Why couldn't you have done this before.". She tells me that she hates the fact that her family now still likes me more than her. I told her that my family misses her so much. She started crying saying that she can't reach out to them because she knows they know. She said that she is moving forward.

I love my wife so much. It's so hard to forgive myself for locking myself up in a shell and putting out the only person i ever cared in this world for. I couldn't stand seeing her feel so sad. I just told her that she is a strong woman. The strongest woman I know. If anyone could get through this it would be her. I want my wife back!!!!! I know she is still seeing this other man. I am fighting though!!! I want to tell her that I don't want our old relationship back. I want to start a new one. To prove that I am the man she fell in love with and I promise that I can be better than my best at being her man and husband. Please!!! Any advice will help.

I still have the pains but I see them as an enemy that ruined my life. So I see them as an enemy that i have to conquer. I used them as a crutch for so long now I use it as my strength.

lostsoul214 posted 7/31/2013 14:52 PM

arated please help!!! 1 1/2 months [Re: Jayne241]
lostsould214
New Member

Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 2
She just seemed so hurt by me. She told me that she went for the other guy because i wasn't giving her what she wanted. I have not kept any contact with her. When I had seen her it had been about a month from any contact what so ever. I know if I text her she would more than likely text back but the last thing she asked me for was her space. So that is what i have been giving her. I'm seeing a therapist and they insist that I give her time and not make any contact. The therapist insisted that i didn't make any contact with her at the art show. I know that i have already changed myself in a big way. I'm a heck of a lot more independant. I still think that i'm not there mentally though. I feel as if i need to be right in my head. I'm trying to build myself a lot more confidence. She did also tell me that she had been want to leave several months ago. I believe she is still seeing this other person though. I feel as if there is no hope. I won't feel right about myself if i don't at least try.

I will not grovel!!! That is what i would have done in the past and i am not that person. I was always content with everything but i don't want to be that way any longer.

As far as the pains are concerned I sort of gave up on the whole doctor thing. I got so many I don't know what is wrong with you that i just gave up. Thats when i really went into my shell.

wifehad5 posted 7/31/2013 15:52 PM

Please see this post: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=503395

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:16 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]

nestlee posted 7/31/2013 16:17 PM

Hi welcome..I'm sorry U are going through this. It doesn't matter how bad a relationship gets..There's no reason to cheat. I'm glad that you see things that need to be changed..to better your self. Just give your wife time. Maybe if she sees the change in you. She will try to reconsile. I wish u the best. Stay strong.((( hugs))