Me: BS 50
Your story hits me hard. My hubbies job was the avenue in which his A came into our lives. He traveled internationally, weekly for 20 years and he only recently learned how hard it was for me to trust him all that time. He fell into the A trap at the very end of that job but she was enticing enough, and he felt far enough away from ever having an intimate marriage with me again, that he eventually took the bait.
I think, the fact that I had had to weather such hardship to not think about what he could run into all those years, was the single biggest reason I cratered so hard when I finally found out about A.
Thankfully, he no longer works at that job, has no contact with that snake and we now live in a new house in a new country. But, I have told him often had all this not changed, his gig would have been up anyway because the kids had left and I was about to start traveling with him everywhere.
I am guessing you do not have the ability to go with him. I agree with the ideas on here. Somehow you need to come up with a strategy that makes you more comfortable while he is away. I personally would approach him and honestly describe how you feel when he travels....how it makes you feel...does it make you physically sick with worry? I would also add the why to it....why I get sick is because I am so scared someone will approach you.
I was never worried about my husbands behavior while he was traveling....it was the other damn snakes in the grass with their agendas I worried about. You know the ones....the girls who work out in the gym preparing for their next conquest!!! In my case my worst nightmare came true as well. My hubbies OW is a narcissistic, delusional control freak who was about to be served papers from her current H and went looking for someone to replace him. Enter my hubby. Travel made access simple and oh boy did she use that to her advantage. My WH didn't fall very easily and it took over a year for him to finally lose his grip on reality and jump in to her sick fantasy. He feels so deceived and lied too and he should. She is a nasty piece of work but of course she never showed him that side of her. For my hubby it was all roses all the time...a dream come true for any man! Now that he is dealing with her delusions in broad daylight he is horrified that he was ever that gullible. Hell, I know more about this cow now then he does which has taken him to an all time low.
Sorry for getting off topic. Your post just hit a nerve.
Map out a plan and involve your hubby. With an honest explanation of your fears I am sure you two can come up with something that benefits both of you. He might also be worried about leaving if you are still in an unstable state.
[This message edited by TxsT at 10:08 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!