Joan, there's no timeline for healing. Every person, situation, and relationship is different. I get that feeling of hopelessness and exhaustion of it all, but recovery and healing are not linear. There are so many twists and turns, so many hurts. I think by clinging to the idea that if you do a, b, and c in order of 1,2,3, you are holding yourself back. The best thing to do is to let go of the outcome. You have no control over how your BH heals, bit you do have control over how you heal.
Take some deep breaths, and come at this process by taking baby steps. Just a little bit at a time. Sometimes its easy to get caught up in the momentum of the good times, and jump forward too fast, only to slam into a brick wall when the bad ones hit. Don't get discouraged though. Just take some time to reset, and refocus. Remember, this healing process is all about you becoming a stronger, healthier person.
There are going to be many times when you feel like your backsliding, this is normal. The key is to allow yourself to feel, but not to let those feelings consume you or control you. You're in the driver's seat.
ANd I know Im not suppose to feel bad Im suppose to take care and support my BH
Careful here, you need to allow yourself to feel your feelings. By not doing so, you are just packing those feelings away. They're still there, just hidden from view.
You can still feel AND support your BH, just don't lose sight of the fact that you can't heal him. That's something only he can do. Aubrie just posted about this. I know you've read it, but it's a great post and very helpful in gaining perspective on this. Give it another read.
So start focusing on your own feelings, and your own healing. After all, as another member here has as their tagline "you can't heal what you don't feel"
(edited to fix typos)
[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 6:39 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]