SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone is free to respond, including waywards

During wh affairs he was passive aggressive and outright aggressive. He's not like that with me anymore but is in all other areas of his life. (A complete flip)

I'm starting to worry about his future, and of course mine. He's an arsehole to his bandmates and I'm always putting out his fires on Facebook and text messages and i have to keep trying to confiscate his phone.

To do that I have to pose as him, and I'm not very good at it. I also feel incredibly guilty and embarrassed doing so. But I feel like he's going to flush his years of work down the toilet, plus make it harder for hi in his industry. Then we fight about me doing it.

He needs to stop. I just don't know how to do that. I don't want to keep cleaning up these messes but I don't want him to fuck up his life

Gently here...stop trying to control him. You can't control him. You cant change him. It's his life; his choices. You can discuss what you see happening with him, but ultimately it's up to him. If those choices affect your future adversely, you also have choices. Focus on yourself and your boundaries.

You're enabling him. You're behaving in such a codependent way. This isn't healthy for him. He's a grown man. Let him make his own mistakes & deal with the consequences.

Thanks for your replies I really appreciate it. I did let him deal with the fallout earlier this year (probably because I couldn't intervene at all) and he hasn't learnt at all.

It puts me under a lot of stress

Sounds like what I've read in co-dependency books. You can only control your own actions. Much easier said than done but so so true.