I know it's normal and to be expected but why, if I know I don't want him back, is the depression hitting me so hard now? It's not as if I would do anything to change the situation :-(
Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.
[This message edited by traicionada at 10:04 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
That's hard. And scary. And upsetting.
I thought I would be a SAHM, maybe working part-time as the kids got older, and that I was with someone who had my back. Now that the smoke has cleared, I can now see that he never really had anyone's back but his own, but at the time, I was mourning the loss of who I thought he was, what I thought we had together, and what I thought our lives would be like. It was dreadfully painful. I don't know how I even functioned. I cried myself to sleep every night and probably talked my poor mom's ear off.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't get help-- see your doctor, go to IC if you aren't already-- but I am saying that the pain hit me hardest in much the same way.
I also remember handling things pretty well until month 6 when I got very very angry.
It's now been 18 months and I am feeling very much like what you described, not linking to the divorce since I am glad to be rid of him...Just tonight I did an internet search to see if I have MS because of the symptoms. Maybe for me and you it's from the affiar...
I think I would not have such a hard time if it weren't for the kids being hurt.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 12:43 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]
Those changes being the result of the decisions of the assholes who were supposed to protect us makes it even harder.
"all I want to do is zone out to Netflix, I can barely scrape up enough energy to make dinner. I'm the queen of big dinners and have been happy with feeding them fish sticks and chicken fries."
This pretty much describes the first months after I kicked Ex out. Netflix was my best friend and our couch was where I spent the bulk of every day either zoning out, sleeping or crying. I KNEW that it was the end of our family and life as we knew it.
For me, it started with the X-files series. There is over 100 hour-long episodes and I watched from episode 1. I told myself that by the time I got to the last episode I should be OK enough to do something other than sit there and watch the X-files. 92 episodes in and I indeed felt good enough to do something other than cry and sleep!
I stopped watching the X-files and started watching a series I'd never seen before! Progress!
But I also had just enough will-power to also cook some simple meals most days and clean up a little bit. I even half-heartedly looked for a job but I that was too depressing at the time so I quickly took a break and resumed that a month or so later.
My point is that what has happened is HUGE and HORRIBLE and like a sudden death it turned life completely upside down. You're going through what will hopefully be the hardest thing you'll ever have to go through. It's normal to be depressed when something this depressing happens. Only you would know if it gets to the point that you need help to get out of it but I think it's to be expected to struggle through this.
I snap at the kids, all I want to do is zone out to Netflix, I can barely scrape up enough energy to make dinner. I'm the queen of big dinners and have been happy with feeding them fish sticks and chicken fries. I ignore laundry for days at a time, doing the dishes is a huge amount of energy. I feel like my edges are frayed.
This is totally me some days.