I've been reading on this site since right after dday#1 in May. I never posted because I wasn't sure what to write.
There's a lot of M background with infertility, FOO issues and loss but I thought I married my BF. We were both very CA and it created a lot of issues in our M.
In May I found out my H had a 3 mos PA with a co-worker. Through a lot of TT he admitted he started having "feelings" for her in Nov and admitted those feelings to her after Christmas when he gave her a ride home from work. She kissed him and he kissed her back. Then in January he went to her house and they had sex. They told each other it was wrong and couldn't happen again. He went to her house again the next week supposedly to prove they could still just be friends and of course they had sex again. At this point I thought they were friends but after they started hanging out after work I was uncomfortable and told him so. In fact back in Sept I warned him to be careful about the "friendship" because I felt it was dangerous to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. When I told him that he asked if it was ok for them to hang out in a public place. I didn't like it but I said it was okay; turns out they just had sex in her car after a breakfast date. They had a few more encounters in March on work lunch breaks.
FF to April. He apparently told her he was starting to feel uncomfortable with the physical aspect of the relationship. She then decided that they should stop it and stop all communication outside of work. Well this did not go over well with him. It was right around the time of the Boston bombing and he was an emotional mess. He blamed it on that, saw his Dr and went on AD.
In late May I just had a bad feeling and while we were away with friends I checked his phone. I thought maybe he was talking to her about what was wrong; instead I found out about the affair.
The past two months have been extremely hard. We're both in IC and MC, I've been reading everything I can get my hands on. And even though I didn't think he was doing as much as he should, he was saying all the right things and was there for me. I was finally starting to see that R would be possible.
Last night I downloaded software that can recover texts from a phone on a computer. I wanted to see if I could pull up his last texts with her so he cod see exactly what I read and try to understand what it did to me. The texts weren't there but what came up was much worse. All the "attachments" from his texts with her were there, and there were hundreds. I won't get into detail but they were graphic and went back a long way. When he got back from IC I confronted him. Asked when it started. He obviously didn't want to day but finally admitted its been going on at least 3 years. He says the sexting was just a release because we weren't having sex very often and everything else about when the affair was true. We talked a lot, he broke down and I told him I'm not sure I can get past this. It's bad enough that it happened but he lied to me about it because he didn't think I would find out. He didn't want to cause me more pain.
So after all this, what do I do? I'm numb. Can someone really get over something like this?? Is it really possible??