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R with someone who already has anger issues?

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OldCow18 posted 8/1/2013 09:18 AM

WH has had anger management problems since I met him 15 years ago. He knows he has this problem and he has shown willingness to try to fix/manage it. We've been in and out of MC about his anger problems for the duration of our marriage. Last year he went for a long time on his own to work on this as well. He tries, but he doesn't succeed 100%. Over the course of this time things tend to get better for a while, then they go bad again, always a rollercoaster, few good months, then a blow up, then back to square 1, rinse, repeat.

Anyway, since his PA, we are still dealing with his anger which is a HUGE deterrnt in my recovery. Has anyone R'd with someone with anger problems? I'm beginning to think that on top of the PA makes R impossible.

TxsT posted 8/1/2013 09:37 AM

OldCow....

Have you ever thought that maybe your husband suffers from manic depression disorder? This description of him trying hard to over come his anger but never quite getting there and then swinging the other way is the classic symptoms of MDD. Has he talked with his doctor? I think I would encourage that.

T

LosferWords posted 8/1/2013 09:43 AM

Anyway, since his PA, we are still dealing with his anger which is a HUGE deterrnt in my recovery. Has anyone R'd with someone with anger problems?

Yes. I totally hear you. My wife's anger has been one of my biggest struggles, not just since d-day, but for most of the duration of our relationship. We are almost three years out, and this is something that my wife is finally addressing. Her anger is very entrenched with her FOO issues.

Did your husband come from an angry/abusive background? Any chance that he is an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic)?

It is my belief that anger is a healthy emotion, but at the same time it is an unhealthy lifestyle. When someone lives in anger, it affects them and those around them very harshly.

It's up to you whether R is impossible or not... your choice. I know the anger is so hard to deal with. ((((hugs)))) to you.

OldCow18 posted 8/1/2013 10:29 AM

TxsT, thank you, I have IC this afternoon and will definitely ask about MDD.

Losfer Words, it's possible his father was an alcoholic, but he's never mentioned abuse or an angry household. He has mentioned that since his parents were older when they had him, and he was the last of 4, that they were tired and not overly involved. (Edited to add, his mother died before I met him in 1997 and his dad died shortly after we were married in 2003).

I've chosen to stay with him through this issue due to his awareness of it and his want to work on it and it has improved (prior to PA) and I just figured we all have our sh/t and he's otherwise a wonderful husband. But everything changed with the PA. I can't heal when he's rampage man. He's mean and hurtful one minute and vowing to lay down his life for this marriage the next. It's not helping AT ALL.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 10:30 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]

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