Part of this I work on day and night.
I call it "realization", where I have to let my mind open up, even if it brings the anxiety and allow myself to imagine.
In the meanwhile, remembering past hurts helps the 180 along.
I lived this for over an entire year's time. Filing for D made reality happen for me and while I stuck myself in the purgatory of hesitation, it really didn't do me a lot of good-it simply allowed me to pretend he might come back, when in reality, he had no intention of coming back...or telling me so.
Seeing the words in black and white terrifies me, even though it's a few months into the process.
I can tell you that I am getting a bit of self-respect back that I lost and respect from people who are seeing and coming to know more of me as an independent person.
I am alone in the center of that fire you posted about and yes, it is petrifying. But, it also tells WS-and the world- what we will take and what we will not. It puts an end to the charade and brings the beginnings of new reality to life.
But, we can only do so much at a time, I find, and it's a decision that lasts for the rest of our lives...and affects our children if we have them. So not taking it lightly seems okay, too.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.